Wife Wants to Leave Marriage 5

[MoveFrwd]

Im sorry again for your loss. I understand that each situation (with W and with Grandma) are both difficult on their own and I hope that you take some time to calm down and reflect before really acting.

Even after I found out about the A. I still put that aside to support my W and provide comfort near losses of her friends and family.

So, why did you that? And why do you have the expectation that she would reciprocate?

I lose my grandmother and nothing, but silence. Yet she is social media W is writing poetry about friendship. Would a friend treat another like this?

So did every friend of yours on social media reach out to offer condolences and support? Why do you expect more of W given the current landscape of your R?

What exactly do you expect from her? A few words of condolence? A card? A home cooked meal? What do you think would be an appropriate response from her?

I left the burial grounds today with every intent on serving W with divorce papers next week. There is nothing else there, but a child we share.

Id say do what you want, but if it were me, I would wait until I wasnt in an emotional state. You can sense the anger percolating through the screen. I highly recommend you let that subside before you take any actions. What's the rush anyway?

And I don't even intend on being cordial with her at this point. Just sharing basic information and keeping it moving. This woman doesn't deserve compassion or empathy. I want the world to know what kind of a human being my W is. From there the world can deal with her accordingly. But I am seriously tired of her fake a**.

To me, if you truly didnt care how this worked out, then you would just leave her to live her life. Ive read that hate or anger arent opposites of love; they live on the same spectrum of emotions. The opposite is indifference. When you realize that you dont give a sh*t anymore what the world thinks of her, Id say then, you are ready to file for D and move on.

And remember, this woman is still the mother of your child. How do you think she will be treated when kids at school are talking about what her mother did or didnt do?

Just food for thought.

[Tread]

Kaizen,

I guess I really didn't expect a thing from W. Just seriously disappointed in her again. This woman claims that she seriously cared about my family and not a word. My W has shown more concern for a complete stranger. 17 year's together and this is how I am treated. As if I have never done a thing for her. I expect more from W, because she knew of my relationship with my family more than anyone. It's hard for me to trust anyone and allow them to get close. And W is someone that I allowed to did so.

As far as her being the mother to S13. I have used that as an excuse for far too long. She clearly doesn't care about how her actions affect him. And depends on my silence to continue with business as usual. A little shaming might do her some good. If not, then so be it. My silence has not helped the situation. Only empower her delusions.

[dale165]

Sorry to hear about your grandmaw. I don't think I ever put this on here but we flooded in the August 2016 Louisiana floods. My work got 5 foot, parents 1 foot, me and inlaws were lucky and got a few inches. I didn't know if I had a job anymore and worked from morning to night pulling up carpet, sheetrock and hauling stuff to the dump. This was at my house, work, parent and inlaws. Guess how much W helped? Zero point zero times. She claimed she was getting "called out" to the hospital all the time all the while she was bumping and grinding with OM. This was all before she moved out.

All this to say that I too endured something catastrophic and got zip from W. It took me a year to figure this out but I'm really close to not caring what W does. I don't ask her about feelings, thoughts, sympathy, nothing. Im really close to being at peace in the situation. You too seem angry. I had to let all mine go. I was breaking things inside my house and just being nasty. From that I decided to let it all go, its been a night and day difference. I'm not all the way there but its the best I felt in a year.

[MoveFrwd]

I guess I really didn't expect a thing from W. Just seriously disappointed in her again. This woman claims that she seriously cared about my family and not a word. My W has shown more concern for a complete stranger. 17 year's together and this is how I am treated. As if I have never done a thing for her. I expect more from W, because she knew of my relationship with my family more than anyone. It's hard for me to trust anyone and allow them to get close. And W is someone that I allowed to did so.

So if you didnt expect a thing from her, then why are you so upset that she didnt do anything? Im having trouble following that logic. It sounds like you didnt think she would do anything, but you expected that she would. Since her behavior didnt match your expectations, now you are upset.

Im still curious as to what behavior from her would have made you happy? A text? A card? Coming to the funeral? Something else?

She clearly doesn't care about how her actions affect him.

So are you going to take lessons from her?

A little shaming might do her some good.

Seriously?

My silence has not helped the situation. Only empower her delusions.

I dont think your silence has had an impact one way or another, tbh. It sounds like you are impatient and want SOMETHING to happen either way. I think you are mind reading a ton.

[Tread]

I didn't expect anything. But while in the middle of it all, I realized everything that people had said about my W for years was true. That she never care about my family. But would want me to jump through hopes for hers. Guess the disappointment was in myself for hoping thatvthere waa something good in my W. Just to be proven wrong again as parents continue to wonder why I just won't get rid if W.

Didn't expect a long conversation. Just even a text saying "How are you handling things." Since she is the one who claimed that she wanted us to be friends. On the list of good things about my W, I struggle to come up with anything. So why not just file and get it over with. Next week I need to talk with someone in regards to lower my mortgage, so I can keep my home. If not, then I need to discuss selling it with W.

But this woman won't even respond to anything in regards to discussing finances and other important matters. Her level of caring has gotten even worse, since she moved in with her sister. Who apparently has been helping to cover the A with her cousin. So at the moment, I am done with the whole trifiling family.

[Holding]

Hi Tread, sorry you lost your grandmother.

I'm sure the emotions involved with that are not making your sitch an easier. Just be aware that it may be fueling the anger you already have for your W.

I want the world to know what kind of a human being my W is. From there the world can deal with her accordingly. But I am seriously tired of her fake a**.

I understand this feeling. I really do. But just remember you can't force the world to see her a certain way. SOME PEOPLE in the world will HOPEFULLY see her for who she is, but it's nothing you can bank on.

I'm dealing with anger for my W too, but TBH I'm starting to get tired of feeling angry. I just want to move on and not think about her.

Do you have any outlets for your anger?

[Tread]

Alright after a long 5 hour drive home, I have calmed down a bit. One of my outlets is running. Didn't get a chance to do so today, but will definitely do so in the morning. Good news is that I got S13 for the next two days. Then its back out of town for work the next two days, then I have S13 for the next two weeks.

Also I was pissed that W rented a two bedroom home with SIL. But neither one of these selfish fools even considered that maybe S13 should have a room to stay in. The plan eventually would be for us each to have him every other week. But if S13 finds himself having to sleep in the same room as his mother every other week. It just doesn't seem very welcoming or if he has a space of his own. Hoping that I can keep the home, but if I have to sell the plan is to get a two bedroom apartment for S13 and myself.

I want him to have a room to decorate and make his own. Especially considering that he might be losing the only home he has ever know. Just wish W and SIL would have actually considered someone besides themselves.

[Tread]

Found two affordable lawyers. But I guess the issue I am having is whether or not I should be the one to initiate BD. I seriously believe that I ready to leave this separation limbo and move on with my life. But on the other hand, I don't want to feel as if I simply gave up on my MR. Guess that might just be my fix it mentality. But my W continues to cross boundaries with disregard or shame.

Talked with my neighbor yesterday who told me it took him and his ex 3 years to finally get divorce from when they initially got it started. Don't think we'll have that type of craziness, but it might not be the quick 90 days these lawyers are promising. Maybe I am just stalling the inevitable by making excuses. When it seems that I am ready to be full steam ahead, I suddenly become indecisive.

Crazy part is that I know things in my life won't improve for the MR or afterwards if I don't go and file. Definitely could use some advice, especially from TxHubby in this regards.

[Tread]

Well another failed day of trying to try W to talk about finances and other important things that need to be discussed. W once again sits in the car, while picking up S13 and cracks the window on the passenger side of the vehicle. Apparently doesn't want to be in the house to discuss these things with me. But yet she didn't respond to my text about discussing these things in a public place. So she just ends up rolling the window up in my face and driving off.

At this point, I am done trying. My lawyer will be contacting her. The plan is to divorce W and get her on abandonment also if it's possible. Going to get her with child support as well. Communication is no longer an option, since she insist on carrying like her mother. These same tactics are a huge reason my W father was rarely in the picture and neglected her.

The days of me talking through a cracked window just to have it rolled up in my face are over with. I am sure it gave her a warped since if pleasure. But reality is about to kick in soon enough when are communication revolves around lawyers. And they'll love questioning her on why she can't respond to the numerous text involving business that she hasn't answered.

[OwnIt]

Tread,

I've always wondered why you use BD for divorce. I think to most folks it is Bomb Drop. Are you meaning Big D? Perhaps if you just said D it would be easier, but maybe I'm the only one that gets tripped up on that.

You still have so much emotion. I think for you leaving things to the lawyers would be best. If I recall, there has been at least one physical altercation and given that and the obvious feelings involved, it does seem like it would be the safest course of action for all of you.

Please stop trying to talk to her if she doesn't want to talk. Also keep in mind that the battle over texts in the courtroom is probably going to be prohibitively expensive. I'd stop texting the woman and only email. Write every email as though the judge is reading it and introducing it into evidence. Don't send long, run-on emails. No more than 3 sentences. Keep it brief, informative, factual and friendly. Limit each email to a single topic (that way if an email does show up in litigation, it is limited to the topic at issue which will save time and money in the case).

Remember that lawyers bill by the hour (actually I bill in 8 minute increments) so try not to contact the lawyer too much or drag them into every little thing.

Act like a single dad and try to cut back on the interactions, keep them as neutral as possible, and try really hard to remember that you loved this person at one time and that your S will love her no matter what. Focus on dignity for your own peace of mind.