After my W told me she wanted a D we went on date with other couples and she flirted with me the entire time. The following week we went to a pool party and she gave me a long heart felt kiss then 3 days later told me she wanted to get an apartment.
Man oh man that is messed up! Unfortunately it's not unusual, but wow.
Originally Posted By: JDub
I'm sure she knows this too on the physical side, which is why I'm driving her up the wall with my insecurity about it. It's the hiding and secrecy that's making me bananas, because I don't know if there's any emotional attachment or not.
That's often the case. It was the case in my sitch too. My W had a guy friend (coworker) that I suspected PA with. It turns out he was actually encouraging her to try and make the M work, but I didn't find that out until much later. If it was an EA it was one way as he wasn't returning it. So you never know. I think after S and D they got closer and it probably turned PA but I don't know and it doesn't really matter to me anymore. I guess for me, the real question here isn't whether she's having an A, it is this:
Is my wife: a- With Me? b- Not With Me?
Your W is clearly (b), end of story. What does it matter if she's talking to someone else, or shagging the Dallas Cowboys, or being a saint? She is NOT WITH YOU. So you need to ACT ACCORDINGLY. Get out. GAL. Leave her to her journey while you take yours.
Quote:
There is risk here that W will bolt, or that I will. Your W admitted a PA, as have seemingly many others on here, but mine is hiding things and keeping secrets, even though I have some circumstantial evidence that points in a direction. Our R may not make it, but I do deserve to know what the truth is.
You "deserve" to know? What, if she's having an A? Here is all you "deserve" to know- did she break her marriage vows? THAT is all you need to know, and the answer is YES. So where do you go from here? Your M is dead, gone, in the shitter. Now let's talk about your journey my friend, because right now that's all that matters. Maybe at some point your paths will cross again, but for now you need to work on you.
By the way, as Joseph said, snooping and confronting will only drive your W's activities deeper undercover. And again, does it really make a difference? If it makes that big of a difference to you then just assume the worst, she's in a PA. Assume it and move forward. That's what I did, even though it turned out not to be true it gave me the drive I needed to quit snooping/ worrying and get about the business of making myself awesome.
