I'll try something like that next time, Kaizen. It seems extremely verbose, but who knows, maybe it will make for some peace.
I guess what Im trying to say is that your original version talks about what she has to do or how she should feel. The way I wrote it, it conveys only information about you. In my opinion, she is looking for things to get upset about - focusing your communication about just you should take away any of those opportunities.
As for the last line, I believe it is important to show gratitude where possible - especially for things that W doesnt HAVE to do. I wouldnt be like "thanks for feeding D lunch" on a daily basis, but if you notice that she did something special for you or for D, I think its good to call it out. "Thanks for taking D to the doctor," "thanks for going to get D shoes." and so on.
Originally Posted By: EastTN
How do I deal with this? I feel like I need to (try to) talk to STBXW about this and tell her, "hey, I think you need to know about this, and the two of us might need to sit down with D and talk to her"
Anyone have good suggestions on how to get her to talk about what's bothering her without making her feel pressured, or like she's having to pick between us?
I dont see any way you and D can have a no-pressure, unbiased discussion on this. And I agree that there isnt much for you and W to hash out. I think it would be a good opportunity for a third party with some training to provide support and guidance. My oldest had similar reactions and she found talking with a professional to be very helpful. For me, Id say something like:
"Ive noticed recently that, more and more, D is expressing sadness about switching between houses. Im wondering if it would be good for her to sit down with a therapist to talk through some of her feelings. Have you noticed anything similar? What would you think if I arranged a session for her?"
