Jmstl-let's get to DBing-Part 4

[Holding]

So instead, I will just say "I don't care why she did it"

Amen, brother! That's the attitude you need.

And you need to not just say it, but feel it.

[joejoe1]

Jmstl,

I will say I have been dealing with my situation since June. I have trying to figure out how to fix my situation since June. I joined this forum and have had more success and I felt better than I have during any other time doing this process. I'm starting to feel really confident again. The advice I have gotten here for free is priceless. You can't put a price on what we get here. The vets are a GOD gift and Think GOD that he led me to this forum.

This forum makes me laugh, gives me a space to put down my thoughts, a place to get feedback on my decisions and actions before I take them, as well as takes up time. I do think I'm a little addicted, but I'm learning in the process.

[Benito]

And you need to not just say it, but feel it.

THIS

[Holding]

In jmstl's last thread I saw considerable talk about beta behavior. I'd like to challenge the statement that "taking care of the kids" is beta behavior.

For me that's a core responsibility of fatherhood. I'm talking about making sure they eat, have their homework done, and are getting to bed on time. This is something I've always done because of my workaholic W - I expect most people here don't have the same sitch. Maybe if you've never done those things, starting them now would be just for show. But I certainly don't think a father should stop doing these things if he's always done them. My kids come first.

Yes, I do still GAL when I can, but I make sure my kids' needs are always looked after. I don't depend on my W for that.

I think "taking care of my kids" is an integral part of being a husband only a fool would leave.

[Maika]

Yeah. I don't think taking care of your kids is beta behaviour. I actually think it is very Alpha in the sense that fathers are taking control over their responsibilities of fatherhood - which go beyond playing catch with the kid.

My personal take on Alpha male is one who is very comfortable in his masculinity - which may defy what is considered normal guymanbro behavior. I think taking care of your $hit and being strong, confident, and assertive is what's important. Moving away from 'Yes, dear' BS behavior.

I paint my nails with my D and I rock it outside the home while wearing camo pants and blasting gangsta hip hop. I rock my masculinity with strength and confidence and nobody is mistaking me for a beta NGS dude.

[Jmstl]

Yeah. I don't think taking care of your kids is beta behaviour. I actually think it is very Alpha in the sense that fathers are taking control over their responsibilities of fatherhood - which go beyond playing catch with the kid.

My personal take on Alpha male is one who is very comfortable in his masculinity - which may defy what is considered normal guymanbro behavior. I think taking care of your $hit and being strong, confident, and assertive is what's important. Moving away from 'Yes, dear' BS behavior.

I paint my nails with my D and I rock it outside the home while wearing camo pants and blasting gangsta hip hop. I rock my masculinity with strength and confidence and nobody is mistaking me for a beta NGS dude.

I do that too, because for the most part, IDGAF what other people think about me. I am/was mostly secure in who I am. If I make changes, it is for me and noone else.

The only person with a lot of power to influence was my Dad, aside from W.

And therapy has helped me stand up to my dad.

If my D wants me to sport a tutu, purple hair, and painted fingers, I will. I don't care if you think I am feminine, because my Daughter is happy.

[Jmstl]

So, today has been pretty good so far.

No pursuing, spying (checking fb etc)

Very little thought of her.

Only cried a little bit, when 25 had me imagine she died, and what I would be doing.

I have a very vivid imagination, and a little mini movie of everything that happened played out.

Shook that off, and am trying to continue my upward trajectory for today. Looking forward to KB class. Focusing hard on ME today.

[Maika]

That's awesome to hear. The crying will fade over time, and then the pain will also start fading away over time. A good cry is very cathartic IMHO and helps you process your feelings.

Enjoy KB. I aim to start some boxing classes in 2018 after I reach some of my physical goals.

Focus HARD on yourself every day now. This will be empowering. See you've come a long way just this week. Imaging where you'll be next week with all this focus on you and DBing.

[TBSakaJ9]

Only cried a little bit, when 25 had me imagine she died, and what I would be doing.

Dude.....I cried my eyes out for the first 1.5 months. Every morning I would call my mom on the way to work a cry my eyes out. Let it out.......feel the burn! That will help you power through!!

[Jmstl]

Only cried a little bit, when 25 had me imagine she died, and what I would be doing.

Dude.....I cried my eyes out for the first 1.5 months. Every morning I would call my mom on the way to work a cry my eyes out. Let it out.......feel the burn! That will help you power through!!

For sure. One of the reasons I chose KB is that it gives me the chance to channel all that pain amd anger and sadness into something positive.

I still talk to my mom and sis about it. But I don't cry nearly as much. In fact I cant remember the last time I cried to them. Pretty much only when I am alone.