This may be anti-DB methodology...I got tired of not being able to sleep and having this cloud of anxiety hanging over the both of us. Last night at 2 am both W and I were awake and I told her two things:
1) I made arrangements to resolve a big financial hairball that has been over our heads and causing her a lot of stress. Was a big surprise and I debated whether to tell her or not, because I didn't want anything in return.
2) Confronted her about possible emotional A. Reason is that if I can get confirmation on it, either way, I can move off where I'm stuck and into a next phase, but I have to know the truth. Told her that I wish I hadn't ever seen her emails and that notepad, but here we are. - Told her that I understand her repeated claims/insistence that there's not a physical affair, as she has more integrity than that - I receive a lot of charged emotions back from her when I bring it up, which makes me think it's an emotional affair - I don't know how often they talk, or the content, or if his wife knows either - I'm not saying don't have guy friends. I have friends that are women, but it's not a secret and I don't keep it hidden, and that's what I am really having a hard time with. - maybe she could invite me into their next Skype call so I could be a party to things rather than kept on the outside.
She said that she would think about inviting me to a Skype call to help ease my mind (her words). I was really surprised, this was nice, but in the light of day I'm not sure if that will come to reality or not. We'll see.
I also said that I'm coming to her calmly, without jealousy or anger, and when I've brought this up previously she has come back really angry...and I'd appreciate it if she responded in kind, without anger. She responded that she completely understood this.
She but on a guided meditation to help both of us sleep (and sleep I did).
Trying to follow the guidance I read yesterday on these boards about not applying pressure on the R. There were no ILYs, no setting plans, no begging or anything like that. Didn't say goodbye before leaving for the gym this morning. Just need information on what's really happening to help inform what action I'm going to take.
