Squinting at the morning sun

[ciluzen]

Thank you Bttrfly, for your kind words. I think I think we'd get along quite well, too. I do have a friend in Westport I need to visit someday...maybe we'll figure something out.

I have a quick little update (haha...we'll see). In trying to find new insurance coverage for myself, I discovered some issues with my credit/social security info. Apparently, if you move three times in a year, your address isn't up to date, LOL. Anyway, it prompted me to check my credit report and I found that although XH said he'd take care of it, I was still linked to our joint credit card...which had a crazy high balance on it. He was paying it down, but I think I solved the mystery of how he paid his high taxes. Of course, that appears as my crazy high balance at this time, as well. I was actually able to talk to a rep at the card company to verify I was still on it and had them send the form to take me off (we both have to fill it out). I busted out of NC for this, and left him a message to call me about a financial ish.

When he called he seemed almost happy to hear from me (could be his mask was on tightly). I asked if we could meet at the auto licensing place when I got the paperwork so that we could get my name off of his boat and his name off of my car, as well. He agreed and said he, too, would like to be done with that. I did ask after his leg wound. He told me the story in detail (gotta love a story). Apparently, Bubble's husband, another guy he's now friends with, and about 8 boys were all in the boat with the radio blasting while XH had entered the water to ski for the first time behind the new boat. He was looking around to see which way would have the calmest water when he felt a bump on his leg and then saw the back of the boat had swung toward him. Then saw blood and realized his leg was cut open. He pinched it together and attempted to get their attention. It took awhile with the radio and boisterous boys. Glad to hear that they were being so careful with a skier in the water! SMDH. So basically, he christened the boat with his blood...(insert creepy goth music)

He also alluded to my convo with D26, and how she really called because she needed her mom. I know now that she spoke of our convo to him. He was kind about it. I explained that I realized that now and was ashamed of my behavior towards her...that sometimes my feelings are what they are and that they get in the way and that I am aware that I need to remember to be mom first. I did explain the build up, though. He asked if school had started for me yet and we did talk a bit more to catch up on his family. Then I told him I'd let him get back to his evening and would let him know when the credit card forms arrived.

I got off of the phone to see 2 texts from D25, one from bio-guy who is back from his trip and wants to see me, and a missed call and voice mail from musician guy. Plus a bunch of dating site notifications. Ughhh. As much as I think that rope is slithering through...I still just want to listen to that man talk. And when he asks or shows any interest in my life...I feel rewarded almost. What a mess.

He sent me pictures of his leg before and after stitches (17) cut to the bone and one of him in the wheelchair from behind, pinching his leg shut while being checked in. He's slightly "soft", very gray, and getting more stoop shouldered. But still...why is it so hard to let go after all this time plus the D? Still working on it.

Believe it or not, I'm still ok. The house incident plus the accident led to some sort of catharsis...I have no feelings about Bubbles now. Explored that wound, poked and prodded it for a few days and suddenly, its healed over. There's a fresh scar, but the scab is gone entirely and can no longer be picked at. Trust me...I explored it for the last few days. Nada. This is a good feeling. I'll take any little signs of forward movement at this time, even if its not directly related to XH.