Still here. Still not detached...

[Chris73]

Hi 25. Thanks for all the insight. I have to respectfully disagree with some of your comments. Being disconnected from the situation, your observations are sound and my feelings do come off as an attack on my W's motherhood. But here's my point.

The first day of kindergarten is a big deal. And I don't even mean in a universal sense, I mean it's a big deal in our family. When my son started kindergarten there was a huge ramp up of enthusiasm. We made it very special for him and treated the day like a holiday. Three years later the idea of making the day special for my daughter wasn't even on my W's radar. And this isn't an isolated incident. My W has dropped the ball on a lot of things regarding our kids over the past year and this is very uncharacteristic of her.

While it's true that she doesn't have the choice to work from home, she does make her own hours and only works 2 days during the week. She could have easily taken the appointment at another time or on another day. It's not a money issue and it's not an issue of losing a client. It comes down to her not being able to say no to her clients for fear of disappointing them. Ironically, the people who should be more important to her are the ones who end up disappointed.

Now she may have had some sort of existential awakening and decided that she was propping up the kids too much. That we were hovering too much. That our kids need a dose of reality so that they won't feel so entitled. She's said these things to me. But I don't really believe that. I think that the unresolved issues from her traumatic childhood and her dissatisfaction with our marriage created a perfect storm that propelled her into a selfish mode that she doesn't even recognize.

Yes I'm assuming a lot. And yes I'm being judgemental. The good news is that I'm choosing to vent about it here instead of starting arguments or deciding to ramp up some sort of custody litigation. I know that this is our new reality and I'm trying my best to focus my energy on the parenting aspects that I have control over. But it's so hard to watch our family unit break down little by little and not be able to do anything to stop it.

I'm really glad that I still made the effort to make the first day of school special for my daughter. That's what I'm trying to focus on moving forward.