Don't take more than 2 sentences to make a point - but please decide nothing, tonight.
No advantage to rushing an answer
This would be another 180 for me. Normally I would've unloaded a quiver full of unnecessary "truth darts" on her immediately after receiving the text.
I think "truth darts" are not well received. They are usually meant to shut the other person up, or or sting them.
It's "truth" to the speaker, maybe, (or it's just a hurtful remark). I don't understand why someone feels good about their spouse being silenced by a "truth dart" - seems to me the speaker just hurt or shamed their spouse into silence. And that just pushes the WAS farther away and plays right into the narrative of the LBSer being "nasty and cold and unloving."
Do you get what I mean?
Glad you did not unload a quiver of arrows. They harm the marriage and erode the bond.
Plus they can get very labored...If you ever saw Charlie Brown you can recall how the teacher's comments always sounded like "WAh wa wah wahhhhh, and blah blah wahhh wah"
Been there, done that.
As you noticed, when we begin the parental lecture or the condemnation speech,
they just tune us out or lash out. So NOT effective.
I used to think if I had a brilliant argument like in court, of course h would slap his forehead and say "25, you're so right! All this time I had it backwards! I will CHANGE NOW!"
Um, nope...
Rays
I have a bit of a 2 x 4 I hope you have a helmet on, okay?
From what you describe here, at times you sound mean to her. I'm not defending her or saying she is kind to you, but I don't know what she says. Just your words.
The snipes and knee-jerk retorts probably confirm her negative images of the marital dynamic. You know, you really don't have to become a doormat to counter this, just don't engage when you're not calm or it's not going to be productive. A lot of your reactions sounds reactive and anger driven.
What can you do to deter yourself from^^^ this?
How did conflict resolution look in your family growing up? Did anyone make compromises and then keep score and resent them? Conflict resolution should not leave one party feeling resentful or victorious. Anyhow,
You said you are seeing an IC, right? Maybe they can assist in this area.
Hang in there.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
