New to the journey and thank you.

[Kylo]

Looking back, only my ignorance kept me from realizing there should be something there...

-W used to have panic attacks a lot early in the relationship. These pretty much stopped. Not sure about depression previously, but right before the bomb drop one day she seemed half-dead and mentioned that she didn't care. That she had a hard time caring about anything.

-Her mom is a narcissist and probably more. She is so self-centered it is comical. Just a poor mother.

-Her dad moved away. He took her brother with him for a period of time.

-Her brother was committed to an institution at one point. Don't know what to name it, but may be bi-polar. He is constantly moving to start over. Violent.

-Grandparent committed suicide. Don't know the issues there. I also think there's a weird aunt in there. I never paid much attention to her family history or structure.

-Her step family welcomed her with open arms, then took off in the middle of the night with no warning. Her mom was an alcoholic at this time.

-Some guy expose himself to her as a kid. Also she was cryptic, but possibly molested?

-As a girl didn't talk in school for a long time. She would sit alone in her closet. When she was older, she would always go to her friends' houses to escape the yelling and screaming fights of her mom and step-dad.

-She has an unexplainable fear of balloons. If they pop she can't handle it.

-She switched majors and colleges many times, never finishing. Dropped a class this summer after 2 weeks. Wanted to work, then stay home, then have kids, now work again.

-Always has a "next thing" to want. BPDish trait.

-Can't stand guilt. BPDish trait.

-Can't admit she is wrong or sorry. BPDish trait.

-Emotions = facts. BPDish trait.

-She would get mad at me for things I did in her dreams. BPDish trait.

-She has had a chronic illness for many years now, only at the beginning of MLC has she found a way to control it through walking an hour and 30 min. a day. -Not sure but chronic illness is said to be a BPDish trait.

-Walls were down, then were up, which follows the idealization to devaluing of the other person (me). I used to be the TP (total package) to her. I was such a good person (to her)! Then I wasn't so good. Then no compliments whatsoever. then I didn't like her anymore.

-Impulsive and reckless immediately before we started dating.

I feel like there's much more, I just can't think of all of it. I don't expect this idea to get much traction since she wouldn't be clinically diagnosed. She isn't an extreme case, and she doesn't rage outward, but if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck...