Act Now or Cry Later

[HaWho]

Thanks Ownit, Job and Brubeck.

Ownit - you are one tough cookie yourself!

Job - it's just crazy the things I've seem him do. Often I still think of you seeing your ex playing with matchbox cars. What a bizarre landscape MLC is.

Brubeck - you nailed it. I just expect the weirdness now; same as you do.

Here's some pearls. H is back to projecting onto the dog. Recently overheard: H: "the dog is old" (he's 4!) "and he needs to do more to stay young." Me: "he seems happy as he is." H: "no! He's getting old." Me: "It comes to us all, let the dog age in peace." Also he told s13: "I am almost 50, when I am 50 I will be officially old."

One day he butt dialed me and there was a 50 word text of complete gibberish. He then wrote "did you get all that?" (There's a flash of his humor.) Me: "that's the most sense you've made in 3 years." Him: "making sense to me." Hmm. What's interesting is he didn't monster. Last year he would have raged back and there would be zero humor.

The other day I was walking the dog early AM on our anniversary. H texted me: "I remembered first again. It is official and date stamped with this text. HA!"

I wanted to text him that he's a moron. 8 weeks ago he told me what we do is none of the others' business! AND he is texting me Happy Anniversary from his recreated dorm room because he moved out of our bedroom!! It's so bizarre. And I did not forget the anniversary but there's no way, given the circumstances, that I'll be initiating a toast to us. It's like an episode of Westworld.

But, as I walked I remembered that in 2013 he monstered on our anniversary. He was SO angry all the time. 2014 and 2015 he was practically catatonic on the anniversaries. Last year it was just a "Happy Anniversary" text. This year there was a splash of humor. So I texted back a vanilla "Happy Anniversary."

I had a sad moment on the anniversary where I remembered the reception, how much fun I had and the life I imagined. Poof to that! Then I grounded myself and marveled at how much I have survived! My story took a crazy hairpin turn.

Anyway, he sometimes makes eye contact with me; maybe 2 times a week--just a flash, nothing he sustains. He no longer seems to monster like he used to do. He has begun making jokes instead. If the kids tease him, rather than snapping he jabs back and frequently smiles at their humor. Bizarre as this sounds he seems to have his relationship with the dog back. He talks to him the same way he used to do. He "sees" him again and on a consistent basis.

He still obsesses with aging constantly. He's still in the dorm room all the time. I think the wallpaper in his room gets out more.

The other day h was teasing s13. I said something and h told ME to stop being so serious and to lighten up!

As for me, I am keeping busy with my kids, work & seeing friends.