From my vantage point, seeing a MLCer up close and personal, there is no possible way your exh could have "advanced" to the point where he can have all the pieces of life fitting as well as they seem to be. It's a facade. He has not put the time into doing the work and there's no way around it but to give it time.
An acquaintance of mine divorced her h several years ago. I am pretty sure he is in MLC: liposuction, started partying, began an affair while his wife was going through treatment for cancer and in marriage counseling, he didn't see anything wrong with any of his decisions. Post divorce he dated constantly, always women 15-20 years younger. He checked every "I am going bonkers MLC box."
Within a few years he married one of the women and decided to have a child. He was almost 50; she was early 30's. My son knows his kids from marriage #1 and said the MLC guy is always cranky and irritable. Hmm.
MLC guy and his new wife were glowing all along. Recently, I ran into wife #2 and she is pregnant again. She immediately told me it was an accidental pregnancy. Then she started justifying: "I have reassured h (MLC guy) that we'll go right back to getting sleep again! Everything will be okay in a year!" The children will be 16 1/2 months apart and she kept emphasizing the extra 1/2 month. Like it matters?!?
Relations between them are obviously strained. The glow is gone. Meanwhile he pays a lot of child support/alimony to wife #1. He has four kids and at age 52, two of the children are under the age of two! Wait until he has two toddlers at age 55!
If it seems like we are suffering while they seem great, it is only because we're doing the work up front while they run and hide. There's no silver bullet.
Soldier on knowing you will reap the rewards of your hard work!
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
