Drastic changes & mixed signals - what to do?

[LAJar]

My friend just found a pic of him and OW on Facebook from yesterday. My heart is racing. I don't know what to do.

daisy, Another similar aspect to our stories. I had just also found a picture of him and OW on social media. I feel like H knows I might see this pic and doesn't even care, so add another notch to the hurt tally. You're not crazy for wanting your H back even after what he's done. Up until a few weeks ago, as far as you were concerned, you were in a committed marriage. With that being said, you have to take his actions at face value. I think because you're open to sex, he's going to continue with you and OW. Think of all of the potential consequences of that scenario. IMHO, not good.
You can still want your H, but at this point, he's not showing you anything to make yo believed he'd like to reconcile. You have to DB, for your own sanity. If it's meant to be, he'll realize what he's losing and come back.
In my posting, I asked you about selling the house because it seemed like he was on the road to moving on and you were waiting for him to come to his senses and come home. Doesn't mean you won't reconcile, it just doesn't seem like that's happening anytime soon.
Take care of yourself and your kids. Continue to read DB, GAL and try to detach as much as possible.

Did you confront your H about the picture? I still have not confronted him about it. I feel like I should. I don't want to contact the OW, however. I've decided against it.

I didn't so much confront as say I knew this was happening. He didn't deny it because he rationalizes that because he's gone and already filed (not served) that he's free to do as he pleases. This person didn't just fall out of the sky one day and they are in a happy R now. It may have been an EA previously and as soon as he left turned to a PA. Since that first pic, there have been others and I didn't confront. I already have my answer and I don't need to create more chaos for myself w/ that type of convo. It's hard to say not to confront, you're human. I would just watch how you do it.

Yesterday, he did not see me or the kids at all and didn't reach out to them. I know he was with her all day. I blew up at him over text - told him he not acting like himself, he's totally disengaged with his family, he loves us and leaves us and it's getting really old. He never responded.

Today I saw him and I spoke to him with love and understanding. He opened up to me again and told me that he was looking into a psychiatrist to help with his potential bipolar issues. He also told me he just got an apartment. That hurt to hear. He also said that I was absolutely right in the text I wrote yesterday and it wasn't fair. He says he feels like a POS and feels so guilty about what he's doing.

Until he starts seeing a psychiatrist and receives a proper diagnosis, this can't be the excuse. If he does go, there may be some hope. Keep that in the back of your mind and let him do what he needs to do, even if that means getting an apt. With a proper diagnosis and medication, things may change at that point

Then, the conversation turned a bit and he kept talking about his potential mental illness and asked why did no one notice that he wasn't well all these years. Asked why are the kids mad at him and ignoring him now, but never got mad or ignored me when "I was terrible to him". I validated what he said with "that must be frustrating to feel that way" or "I'm sure that makes you feel hurt".

Sounds like he's trying to guilt you and make you feel sorry for him. As infuriating as it might be, all you can do is validate.

When he left, he hugged me and thanked me for listening to him. Of course he left to go be with her. I feel like I am sitting idle and enabling this affair by not telling him what I know and how it's making me feel.