Had the following text exchange with my WW a week and a half ago:
WW: I just want to be happy Me: Do you justify hurting me multiple times with “I just want to be happy” Because that’s what it seems like you’re saying WW: I guess call me selfish if you want. I'm not thinking of hurting you… I just want to live a good life WW: And I don't need to be labeled as someone who was awful
That exchange with my WW pretty much confirms that WW's are motivated by selfishness...Not that Sandi ever needs confirmation on her advice
Many WAW's have spent most of their adult life putting their family first and putting themselves last. They clean, do the laundry, feed the whole family, go to parent/ teacher conferences, and these days they do all of that on top of holding down a full time job. Folding underwear and packing lunches doesn't exactly make a woman feel sexy, makes her feel like a mom! At some point, often around the time menopause kicks in, the kids are older and don't need as much attention and the WAW looks up and says "how in the world did I get here? What about ME? What do I want from life?" They are often acting out of desperation, life is slipping away and they feel like they need something more than they're getting. And many of them do indeed deserve something better after living like a glorified servant for so long. They really do try and get our attention on this but we shut down and think we're being nagged and we just want them to go back to their "job" as wife and mother and quit complaining. So they finally give up and plan their escape.
Anyway my point is your W is telling the truth. She really does just want to be happy. She really doesn't want to hurt you to get there, but unfortunately that's a byproduct of her search for happiness. We all respect and admire Sandi greatly, but SHE WAS YOUR WIFE. She too was a WAS. Full-blown, totally done, ready to leave WAS. I don't think anyone would ever dream of calling Sandi selfish, in fact she's quite the opposite. What she did in her M and what your W is doing (and mine and others) is selfish in the respect that they are doing it because they are putting themselves first. But that doesn't mean they are bad people, or mean, or spiteful. I'm not saying leaving the M is the right reaction, I am just trying to help you see things from her point of view a little bit. It's easy just to say a WAS is crazy and selfish, but their motivations run a lot deeper than that.
