25yearsMLC 10 Years Later I FILE D part 6

[25yearsmlc]

Accuray

I will get to your post soon. Lots to think about, but I can say now that the red flags or triggers I have are that '

1) if the man has poor r's with his children. Alienation can happen but it's pretty rare and depends on the situation. I'd flee if there was not a VERY explainable reason for the guy not being close to his kids

2) the way he describes his ex. If there is a lot of character assassination I'd walk.

Even if he's accurate, it's too much drama. And if he's not accurate, then he's a blame shifter.

3) weird with money

4) needing a nurse, not a wife

5) acting OLD. A guy I know and am very comfortable with b/c we once dated and over the years kept in touch. "G" is his name. I like him. But I could never partner up with him b/c he says things like

"At our age..." And I know there's no way that sentence can end in an appealing way.

6) rigid in beliefs so that an issue is black and white (no thanks, had enough of that with H's incessant reading of extreme views and NOT showing any flexibility and being angry at people who disagreed even when done tactfully. That includes me.

I am more comfortable with gray areas in life now, than I was before. H is the opposite.

Yes I'd say he changed in that regard for sure. He also became an atheist

and I guess it showed.

So that is a start, Acc.
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I don't know that divorce is more frequent BECAUSE we are less afraid of it, so much as we have less invested in it.

In our first marriage - if there are kids and it's long, then we fear walking away from the table and the losses we are leaving behind. It's huge and earth shattering

I also think SOME divorcees are too eager to recommit and be part of a couple and only later realize they have not done the work THEY needed to do.

So they repeat their own errors.

Thanks Acc. I value your feedback. Need to get out of and stay out of the rut. The change of season here is not great for me and I am facing the fact that I really am very affected by sunlight.

ALL of my family & childhood friends need to move west with me!