The only blessing about your H being so horrible during the divorce process is that it will cure you of any lingering desire to reconcile. I'm actually grateful that my ex was such a jerk. It finally allowed me to let go, and I wouldn't have him back for any sum of money.
KML, this^^ is true. I think I said somewhere that his behavior has jettisoned my mourning process several leagues ahead.
But yeah, sometimes I miss that arm. I also think what I miss most is being in a marriage (that I thought was good). Being part of a couple and intact family.
Oh well, there are far worse things. And who knows? I may be a part of one again.
I believe wholeheartedly that I'd rather be on my own with the chance of another R or just free,
than be married to h as he is and has been for a few years. I see things differently now and it's not all about consoling myself.
It's with more clarity than I had before. Once my mom died it was more apparent to me that h was on his own path and I could take it or leave it. I really KNEW life was short when I saw that I was next in line for passing on (compared to my mom I mean)
and h was not pleasant or kind to me, the past few years. No I don''t mean he was a 24/7 jerk, but there was an undertone of criticism I NOW see more clearly.
I am now scoffing at myself. Sheesh, I need to let go of my own crap and forgive myself more.
I'm working on it!
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
