Did our WAS change and why? OR were they always this way and we did not see it, or they hid it well enough?
Why did WE not see it sooner, or address it, and thus, what can we do to avoid this event happening in our next r?
25.....IMO it was always in there and it was like lava in a volcano waiting to erupt. I think some or more obvious than others but looking back at my W all the signs where there that this would happen. I just never thought her overall unhappiness would manifest itself on me.
I also don't think you could have done anything different to stop it from happening (My friends often tell me she could have been married to Brad Pitt and she would have done the same thing). I know we can all be better people (including our spouses) but there are varying degrees of what each person needs to work on. Some are hard issues while some are soft issues and no one is a perfect person. The reality is each person handles situations differently where some spouses would communicate their issues (and want to work on the marriage) others just choose to have A's and walk away.
I have not been going at this as long as a lot of others but those are my thoughts.
Your last question about how we can avoid this in the future is a tough one because there are no guarantees. Personally before I get serious with another women I will be more perceptive to their upbringing, family values, why their previous relationships failed, are they generally happy, things like that I will vet a lot more due to the knowledge I gained from this board. Still at the end of the day their are no guarantees.
