25yearsMLC 10 Years Later I FILE D part 6

[25yearsmlc]

some of what I'm really asking is an almost universal DB question.

Did our WAS change and why? OR were they always this way and we did not see it, or they hid it well enough?

Why did WE not see it sooner, or address it, and thus, what can we do to avoid this event happening in our next r?

As for reconciliations, they do happen. Careful thorough piecing is the only way for it to work IF it can.

I read an interesting anecdote/metaphorical story the other day about recon.

I see us as having big internal "Divorce BOXes" with all the aspects of it inside. There are many angles and mixed feelings, and conflicting hopes and of course our deep mourning and fears.

Some of mine is focussed on wondering about h. We were together so long. I "wonder" about a recon (insane as that is, when I'm fully honest there is residue of hope in one area of the box. I was married longer than not. I tend to forgive myself for this but I don't speak of it to others. They will see it as me being weak or delusional.

A huge underlying piece is that I am sad b/c I see no way for it to ever occur. That is a first for me.

I hope but doubt we can be friends some day, which is a truly sucktacular aspect to this situation b/c a long term marriage like ours, is ending in such an ugly way. The anecdotal metaphor - (And you know how I love my metaphors!) is this:

Let’s say I lost my arm in a combine harvester. Once fed through the thresher, there wasn’t much arm left. Just some ragged bone and sinew, and a loss of blood that nearly killed me. But hey, I survived. I miss my arm deeply. It was a good arm. I’m human.

Oh, I forgot to mention, it wasn’t a farming accident. Um, my ex shoved my arm through a combine harvester.

So I don’t have a relationship anymore. That arm is GONE. I'm having lots of phantom limb pains. There is no loving h. There is a bloody stump. I am missing what doesn’t exist. I don’t get my whole arm back, sorry.