Picking up Her MESS

[marina7]

Journaling,

I lay here and is like a replay in my head, how did I miss all the signs my W was in MLC for 3yrs or 4yrs this is what happen I guess to trigger it and yes why I say what I did because I guess I went through a MLC myself but but never this extreme. Well lets say I guess I never was told.

2013 Pick D9 and S8 from family they where living in let's say drug house
2014 EM affair I guess I thought she didn't love me.
2014 W went to college to be a mortician
2014 W confronted me with EA
2015 Had a grand mal seizures almost died my self.
Late 2015 hurt badly at work

Now that I have time to reflect I see all her signs but slowly pushing me away,going out more,and shopping more but I also can see her fighting it constantly telling me she loves me so much am her life and her kids... so my Big question to anyone are these signs.. And trust me I didn't either sweep them under the rug I remember telling her and hugging her saying sorry and always reminding her how much I love her. And I clearly remember saying to W your pushing me away is even a email so consciously I seen it and felt it. But why wait for the BD day is it like an explosion MLC can't no longer hold it. Because I have own up to my mistake to family and friends I know I did wrong I should have never ran to another women for feelings I zhould have stood my grounds but I am also Human we do mistakes in life as long it doesn't repeat itself then is just a habit.

Do I know I can survive without my wife yes.... but she is truly my soulmate if ya only knew how we met it wasn't meant to be but God intervin and from different states her friend was determined find me. And she did. We honestly balance ourselves which again not perfect but close to perfect.

So big question is the stages are from BD or now when I have time to reflect that it started way before I was myself living in lala land.

Is true what they say when you have time for yourself you have time to reflect in life. What to do with yourself and family and spouse I can say I spiritually grew in 2015 when I most died waking up with a tube down your throat and not remember that last couple month's before accident my thought after that and feelings is very spiritually that life is short and I realized there's a purpose for me because the doctors where shock to see I woke up.

And going through this myself has even woke me up more spiritually and emotionally how we don't have control of what happens but we have control of our actions and how we react I have to say before 2015 the old me would have maybe been in jail for something stupid but I have learn to let go.

"God Is Good"