I am trying to wrap my head around saying she feels like sex is rape, in one sentence......and talking about an open M in the next.
Sandi, one other item about this. When our son (15) was born, W had some big-time tearing in her ladyparts and as a result has had a dramatic fall-off in feeling along with some unexpected pain if things aren't put in place just right. She's said to me over the years that the lack of feeling during sex reminds her of what she's lost, and then she gets sad, and then doesn't even want to think about sex. And when I push, she pushes back saying I'm not hearing her...and when she relents, that's where she feels kind of violated. From my end, I can tell you that mercy sex isn't the height of awesome.
Sounds like this ain't normal. The discussion about an open marriage was really a way for us to stay together and not worry about me bringing up sex. I do think that she's deeply frustrated by how things have developed too, but doesn't know what to do about it other than fantasize which at least soothes her mind. We have not brought all of this up so directly in MC.
