Living in limbo and hating it

[Painful]

Wth? Did you even read my post in detail??? I know you're one of the vets so I don't mean to be rude.

I never hid the A from anyone. Unfortunately I was asleep at the wheel and was the last one to find out about it. What I said in my original post that his W (now XW) had known about for some time and didn't tell me. Who the h*** knows why. I, ON THE OTHER HAND, HAD NO IDEA until 1/17 after W already had an apartment rented and informed me she wanted to separate. My guess is his XW's reasoning was that if I found out early on then my W and I would separate and my W would go after her husband with a vengeance. I assume she was hoping to end their A by threatening to leave and it backfired on her.

Both W's family and OM's family know about it. Both sides are adamantly against it and I know tried to end it by talking, screaming and yelling at them (separately) on many occasions and yet it only seemed to strengthen their resolve and "soulmate" feelings. Again, looks like "us v. the world" at its finest.

In what way do you see me being a doormat? All the neediness and sappiness I only express on this board. WW NEVER sees any of it during our brief interactions. A realistic advice would a lot more helpful instead.

Sorry if I'm wrong but I think I read you're keeping her secret from your child? Hasn't the child asked why you're not living together? If so, did you lie to them? That's all I was talking about. That was a mistake of his ex to keep the secret. That never works. If anything, it allows A's to fester unfettered. Rarely can they survive the light of day without one, or both, of the betrayed spouses enabling it.

At this point all you can do is the hard 180 and be the best version of yourself you can. Don't give a cheating spouse that moved out any head space. Live for yourself and the kid. Do that right and she'll notice. Especially since her AP is such a loser.

Ohh - you were talking about our D11? I thought you meant that I was hiding it from others. No, we didn't tell our D about her Mom's A. We told her that Mom and Dad are having issues and cannot live together for right now. Forgive me - and I'd love to get other vets' opinions - but I highly doubt telling the truth to D11 would've changed anything or caused the WW to see how wrong she was.

Don't give a cheating spouse that moved out any head space. --> That's my main issue as I described in my first post. While I do 180 (not sure id it's hard enough or not), try to detach, limit any contact other than re D11, my head rebels against our separation and losing the family by me not being able to stop those thoughts.

Do that right and she'll notice. - Could you elaborate? What is doing it right v. doing it wrong? Thanks.