25yearsMLC 10 Years Later I FILE D part 6

[25yearsmlc]

25, my only advice re: the divorce is try to get as much as you can in present assets - a bird in the hand IS worth two in the bush (or in the murky future).

OH YES I AGREE 100%

Amen. (And in that sense, h plays it well. His war of attrition.)

But at such an enormous personal cost. I cannot bring myself to believe he doesn't care about our kids. I cannot believe that he is indifferent to how they see him. In fact I think the reason he's not in touch is b/c he knows they are unhappy with him. He cannot endure being around people who are not FINE with him. He can claim I brainwashed our 31 y/o son, 28 y/o d and 20 y/o d all he wants.

It's still his refusal to cope with hard emotional situations, that paralyzes him.

BTW, some months ago he told d20, that he "has trouble repairing relationships." Start by showing up...

I think that means he feels entitled to forgiveness without feeling or expressing remorse, and wants maybe one dramatic gesture to solve it all.

I know he told me he was "tired of always apologizing" to our d's for missing 2 years of their schooling, the first time he went to Alaska. (I asked each of them separately if they felt they had hashed things out enough and neither of them recalled him ever saying he was sorry.) Yet I don't think he was consciously lying.

Can you imagine spending your golden years with that? No, me neither. And now I won't have to.

I'm not getting bogged down in that, just smh observing.

I think I'm getting out of my rut. Too many bills to pay with so little income so I'm keeping my lights on, and sending out more resumes and making calls that I hope are not sounding pathetic. Saying I 'have a sense of urgency" in my job hunt and hoping I don't start sounding like an Amway person when I see my friends.

Thanks for the input KML and all.