Picking up Her MESS

[25yearsmlc]

[quote=J1978]Thank you 25yearsmlc,

God knows I have tried am in Illinois the child custody change this year it's very weird, we where not legal married we had domestic partnership I don't have access to any of her VA I was never in Military. I am trying my best.

Illinois recognizes domestic partnerships if it's official one. If you adopted these kids (I don't recall if they are biological or adopted) then I would think that qualifies as a domestic partnership but I'm not sure. I know that the laws surrounding domestic partnerships can be confusing but there are family law attorneys in the Chicago area who specialize in LGBT family law. At least call.


I have been reading everything a mlc do she has threatened me so many times I lost track...

Do not get bogged down in the MLC term or WAS terms. Researching that instead of researching what YOU need to do, is a mistake.

Keep the focus on YOUR PATH, not hers. I'm telling you that for 2 reasons. First, it protects you and second, it increases your appeal to her anyhow.

Understand that The course of action for you is the same either way. You must protect your financial interests and the children, and be as strong as you can in front of her. Trying to guilt her or acting upset or mopey in front of her, is the last thing that will get her to second guess herself. Trust us on this.

The more you challenge her choices the more she will feel forced to defend her choices.

Talk to Child Protective services about Not splitting up the kids. I thnk You can fight that more than a property dispute without having to hire a pricey lawyer b/c of the children.

ike with lawyer 2 weeks ago and then 3 days after the threat called crying. Am myself don't know whats real i have taken everything out my name we have no ties together

I'm not clear on what you mean by this^^^. Are debts in your name or money or what?


Also, is English your second language? I only ask b/c I want to know if you have family near you?


when she started acting strange i read and Google it and seen all signs and quickly removed everything but it was to late on bank account. I guess physical money is different.

You mean she took all the cash? You can argue that half is yours and you are legally correct IF you are in a domestic partnership but that's not the same as getting it back. Do not give up there, but do not share ANYMORE cash with her and get her off any other accounts. And do not borrow money you don't need. And prepare to get child support FROM HER...

I have ask and called and spoken to lawyer's am now waiting for legal paralegal call me because they are my last hope.

There is no such thing as "last hope", okay? You will feel better. This will pass. You have to be the rock for your kids.

Am doing everything in my power even got gets going to therapy in next 2 weeks. Is just crazy I dont see how you take one child but but not the other two. And act like nothing.

You are trying to make sense of your life being turned upside down. I understand that quite well. It may be a waste of time however. She does not share your values right now and she may not, ever.

Let's face it, WE would not do what our spouses are doing so it's very confusing and painful. And I think we make it worse when we keep spinning and wondering WHY they are doing this. Speaking for myself, it's been a colossal waste of time

and yet, I often slide back into that rut. I work hard to reframe the experience and I pray a lot.

If you also do that, here are 2 mantra/prayers that help me.

One is to turn your relationship AND pain, over to God (or the universe or source or whatever term you have for a higher power). Think it, say it and hear yourself saying it and it begins to sink in, and calm you. I used to do that prayer a LOT in the shower so the kids did not think I was nuts.

And it calmed me before I'd see or speak with h.

Second, I'd use this one:

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know, and **constant wondering is constant suffering.

-Caroline Myss


I'm glad you are seeing a therapist. This is a very painful traumatic ordeal.




Destroying what took 10yrs to built and trust me she tells me you are so beautiful she ask if am dating everytime... is she freaking nuts 10yrs of marriage i just can't date but i guess because she doing it i should...


that^^^ is reactive dating and it's Not a reason to date.

But being mysterious and acting as if you have had an awakening (and coming to believe it)

b/c you KNOW you will be alright no matter what, YES do so.

Have you seen the 37 "rules" Sandi assembled? They will help guide you in this initial stage.


i wonder if she saw me dating what would she think because her focus is me always why do you care you got what you wanted...


I don't understand who is saying what, to whom? What does she mean you got what you wanted?

Hang in there.