Honestly, B, nothing really. She is still in the mindset of the D 100% right thing to do. I need to give it time. I jokingly asked if she was going to have a divorce party and she said yes, her friend was setting one up. I laughed and said you too can celebrate together. She kind of grimaced slightly and said "Well it's not exactly something I really want to celebrate" To me, there is still conflict in her.
I hope that through time, I can help resolve that conflict and slowly lead her back to recon.
Married 9: Together 11 M:37 W:35 S:2 D:7 Bomb dropped 6/3/2017 W moved out 7/1/2017 Separation Filed: 8/1/2017 Modified to Divorce: 8/21/2017 Divorced: 10/5/2017
Seriously.. She is throwing a divorce party. Its not conflict... Its guilt. For leaving someone she loves.
To be fair to her...She is not throwing it. A mutual friend of ours (Who actually SHOULD celebrate a divorce from her SOB H) is wanting to get together for drinks, and calling it a divorce party. She seems to not really be interested in calling it a celebration. I guess there is still some guilt there, for sure.
But I guess all I can do is DB-GAL hard and hope one day she snaps back?
Married 9: Together 11 M:37 W:35 S:2 D:7 Bomb dropped 6/3/2017 W moved out 7/1/2017 Separation Filed: 8/1/2017 Modified to Divorce: 8/21/2017 Divorced: 10/5/2017
I feel the same way about my wife the way you do. But we have to gain our respect back. We have to!!!!! She's telling you she's having a divorce party, you might not think it's disrespectful, but it is, she knows you don't want a divorce. I think you should of left that question alone. I don't think that answer made you feel deep down inside, you already knew the answer because one of her friends told you. She needs to see you as a man, the man she married. I know you don't won't to show her that, that bothered you but gaining respect is what we have to do to get them out of their fog. IMHO
M:37 W:37 T:11 M:10 S17, S13, S10, S4 BD:06/28/17 OM confirmed 07/20/17 Recon the M 10/29/17 Working hard:2gether
Onward and forward
This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
You say 'snap back' because you believe this isn't really her. That another 'her' is underneath.
Sorry to break it to you.. but that girl you knew has gone. This person wont be the same again.
When you completely accept that and go through the pain of acceptance can you start to move on yourself.
After that who knows.. because becoming that person is the only way you come close to even having a chance of genuinely recon with a WAS
My wife, as I knew her is gone. But the person she is now, I love.
Married 9: Together 11 M:37 W:35 S:2 D:7 Bomb dropped 6/3/2017 W moved out 7/1/2017 Separation Filed: 8/1/2017 Modified to Divorce: 8/21/2017 Divorced: 10/5/2017
My wife, as I knew her is gone. But the person she is now, I love.
We arent here because you love her.
We are here because she isnt in love with you.
Thats the problem.
Benni's harsh reality-101
So DB hard, 180, GAL, boundaries. Those are what I need to focus on, right?
Married 9: Together 11 M:37 W:35 S:2 D:7 Bomb dropped 6/3/2017 W moved out 7/1/2017 Separation Filed: 8/1/2017 Modified to Divorce: 8/21/2017 Divorced: 10/5/2017
Yep....the only thing you can do is let her go and focus on yourself. She has to miss you, miss what you had and maybe after focusing on yourself she will be interested in the new Jmstl and you will increase your match % from 96 to 100%!
