Lost on how to save my marriage!

[LiM]

Joe,

All the stuff you mention (GAL, 180's, etc) is for YOU. Its for YOUR benefit, not for hers. You do those things and make those changes because YOU want to be a better person for YOU. If you are doing them to win your W back, they will not work and she will see right through it.
While she is actively in an A (dont fool yourself by saying its not a PA), she will see NONE of what you are doing. She will appreciate NONE of it.
The A has to die and she must hit rock bottom before she can even begin to appreciate the NEW you.

Some things you CAN do to possibly start jolting her out of the fog include dropping the rope and to begin moving on with your life without her. Its seeing that she is losing you, a better you, that may begin to break her free from her fantasy world. Standing up for yourself with confidence and refusing to be a doormat is something that will shake her to her core. Seeing you be strong, confident and firm is attractive. That is what will make her head spin and make her wonder WTH she is doing.

In my case, I had only been DB'ing for 24-72 hours before I learned of my W's A. But I was unwilling to tolerate that behavior in my house so I told her she had to go.