Picking up Her MESS

[marina7]

So today spoke to over 20 lawyers.... yeah that's what I said, I must say from fostering our first son and now the System [censored], I went in the court house and explained everything technically W didn't do anything wrong I explained her behavior her actions and her saying about she thought of going over the bridge or about higher life insurance I was ask that it sounds she was just talking.... wow while am in tears and showing bank proof and old house had to break lease and how W abandoned them I got told you need a lawyer I said can they appoint me a lawyer I was told No unless you did a crime again how the system failed me.

The court house people felt bad but it's her choice if she doesn't want other two... so after crawling under my sheet wanting just to wake up and say this is all a dream.. I started calling lawyers non stop everyone ask for retainer fee starting 1800.00 and up but one lawyer explain that is not wrong what she doing but is mentally affecting them he said if you hire me the first thing she will say I took him because xyz or am a bad parent but W can't say that he said she left you with two kid's so her case is already flush in the toilet in his words. I explained W background and he said Ahhhhh that's why she controlling she was in the military 8yrs. I also showed him the letter she sent through email saying what she wants... Yes W thinks she is a lawyer lol she wrote a letter of intent and says if I don't sign I wont see son basically giving up my parentals right.. Nope I didn't sign... this happen 2 weeks ago about the letter 3 days later she called crying saying she going through alot and just crying by now my heart has been rip,chew,stumb and chop in pieces what heart I ask myself am I even alive. Well I responded sorry and remember am here always am trying to be the lighthouse.

Yesterday she stop by to see kids... it was like her pulling teeth i didn't talk she ask all the question How are you, how you feeling wow you losing lots of weight don't like seeing you that skinny... in my mind am like Hello wtf in my head I wanted to say do you think this is a walk in the park the hell you putting me through but I was quiet and said oh... yeah holding back is the hardest.. but my S9 was hugging me and saying love you mom and hugging she then got anxiety was like lets go we gotta go.. he wouldn't let go she was like lets go and grabbing him... I just look at her...

My question does she feel bad and runs away when emotions come out is like running away... I hold my tears but I break like a baby when she leaves not only I lost her my son too.... I never had family rough life as kid I raised myself well the streets did I have came a long way in life but I dont have the financial means to hire a lawyer or family I can call to say can I borrow.. Literally my back is in the wall... I ask God to let me see the light.. I need a lighthouse my self it feels like am losing everything I built and my other 2 kids feel like our first parent didn't want us and my adopted mom either my D9 sob in my arms asking why W doesn't want them.. how can someone do this to there kids especially we went through hell together to adopt them to just walk away and throw them away. Breaks my heart...