Squinting at the morning sun

[ciluzen]

Thanks Gordie and Treasur for weighing in. I appreciate it!

Gordie- It has always been important for me to make sure I communicate well with others. I absolutely hate (strong word, but accurate) miscommunication or the idea of being misunderstood. Dishonesty falls into that category, as well. I've always spoken honestly with my kiddos and encouraged them to speak honestly with me. Sometimes what they have to say now as adults and what was said when they were teens was absolutely cringe-worthy, but in the interest of upholding my promise to always be there to listen, I had to reward the communication by considering what was said. Our saying at our house was basically, "Let us know the facts, no matter how much trouble you think you will be in; because if you try to cover it up, it will be ten times worse when we find out...and we will find out!". XH was great at saying that, but not so good at following through...from either end, I now know. But my girls know I will listen...so they share. And I am honest with them about my feelings.

I had told D26 I would give her some space, so she ended up calling me the day after we talked. She understood that she did not need to paint a picture of how everyone was enjoying Bubbles' family's new boat when the incident happened. She realizes after my reaction that she triggered my anger by doing so. All she needed to do was tell me that XH was injured to keep me in the loop. She apologized. But she also let me know that she called because she needed her mom to reassure her because she was shaken...her daddy was hurt and the amount of blood was scary to her. Once again, it was she that had to drive him to the hospital. This is quite the responsibility that has been placed on her due to her father's choices. So, I was out of line for not taking her feelings into account as her mother. I need to remember that point of view before I react, from now on. I owed her an apology and I gave it. I'm far from perfect, though as a parent I sometimes forget that.

Treasur- I try so hard to distance, but I'm connected in so many ways. I'm in a city surrounded by small country towns, but there is a small town feel to this area. You can't help but run into people randomly, or have a weird connection to others you encounter. FB makes things interesting, too. As I've said before, I have unfriended people from my former "social group" (all connections made through Bubbles) not because I didn't like them, but because they made no effort to remain friends with me even after I reached out. At this time, I really have no desire for large amounts of "friendly people" who don't know what to do to support a friend when things go awry. I knew some of them for over 20 years. They weren't there for me when my dad died, but I made the excuse that they saw him only rarely. But they knew XH and I as a couple, and me as someone who bent over backward to be a friend during their difficult times. That abandonment of me was inexcusable. I don't believe XH said anything bad about me, not his syle, but in the absence of explanation, anything goes. And Bubbles and friends are gossips who enjoy theorizing about everyone's relationships (I often had to walk away as I hate gossip- me and my ideas on communication issues!). My FB is now full of people I trust as friends, a few family members, and some favorite businesses and charities. Oh and local news to keep me informed (fires and weather issues, mostly). My older friends are all over the world now...it was a few of them that got me onto FB. So, I will still have that account as well as my FB business page.

And yes I'm getting better and better at throwing it all into God's hands, or Karma, or whatever force is out there spinning the seas, clouds, and galaxies.

Loosining my grip on my handful of water is how I see it. I see that no matter how tight my grip, in opening my hand I had controlled nothing...and nothing is what I am left with. Letting the water sit cradled in the cup of your hand, sloshing here and there...you get to hold it as long as you want.