My 180s are caring more. I have to walk a thin line. Because I have to care and help with the boys and around the house more. I have to also give space and detach. I have been doing much better with boys, validating and cleaning. She is cake eating, I'm GAL and have plans to go bungee jumping, skydiving and ziplinning. I have been doing landscaping around the house. The other day she told me thanks for all the help (she hasn't done that before).
But for some reason she is getting madder. I don't know if that is a good or bad thing. Seems to me she wants to be upset. I'm moving forward😁😁😁.
Her dad was a pastor and her mom an evangelist. I think she is being convicted in her heart. She's running from the truth.
M:37 W:37 T:11 M:10 S17, S13, S10, S4 BD:06/28/17 OM confirmed 07/20/17 Recon the M 10/29/17 Working hard:2gether
Onward and forward
This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
Sounds exactly like my sitch. My 180 was caring more, which makes it hard for us. Because according to the rules, but yet are 180s are to show more affection. And like you my W would notice the change start to loosen up. Then suddenly would be mad at me or start arguments. Likely she would do something disrespectful involving OM to piss me off. That typically would happen when she would feel like she was portraying OM in some weird way. Who is certainly not feeling that way with his own W. His family is still together and just fine. My W is the clearly the village idiot.
So before I went to church wife and I got into a huge argument. I'm not gone lie, I was in a fed up mood. I asked her what the he'll are we doing. I told her I'm keeping the house.
Backstory on the house: So when she hit me with the she fed up in June, she told me that she wanted me to pay the Mortgage, pay the car note, move out and find a apartment and pay all the amenities at this apartment and also provide her child support. I went along with that until this morning. I told her only a fool would do that.
So this morning, I told her she cheated, I'm not moving out. (She tried to justify herself). I'm keeping this house. My son ran down and was upset at the commotion, so I left the conversation and went to church. I actually joined the church today. Church was awesome.
The message at church was sometimes GOD has to burn down somethings in your life to give you your true blessing. The pastor preached on the story of JOB.
So after I got back home after Church, we went on a drive to Home Depot together and got down to the meat. She hits me with "she's confuse and this is hard". She owe it to herself to see if the OM is meant to be. But its hard because I'm a provider and he's a risk. WTF.
She also said she don't want to move out until she gets on her feet. (No time frame for that). She keeps saying she dont know. Shes confuse. She confusing everyone else with her confusion.
Any suggestions?
M:37 W:37 T:11 M:10 S17, S13, S10, S4 BD:06/28/17 OM confirmed 07/20/17 Recon the M 10/29/17 Working hard:2gether
Onward and forward
This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
I have a question when you got fed up, did you ever consider your wife feelings. What I mean, when she seemed upset how did you react to that?
It was hard for her to put on those shows of breaking down and sobbing because I stayed around the house very little. I was almost always doing GAL. For a long time she didn't give a crap about my feelings and all our years together. She treated me cruelly and flaunted her adultery in my face. I fully detached. I didn't fake it. I did it. I had to. Not detaching was killing me. I woke up one day and realized that no other person was worth dying for like this. Especially her at this point in our lives. She was one of the last people on earth that was worth dying for. At least to me.
I had my own plan going forward great, I was back in shape (lost 40 lbs and toned up great), I was riding my new motorcycle or off bicycling with friends, hanging out with groups of friends at clubs that had live music (I LOVE live music), working out, going for walks, having coffee or dinner with a friend (male or female), etc.
This is when it turned and all the sudden she'd ask me if I wanted to talk. I'd give her less than a minute then said I needed to go. She'd ask if we could talk later and I'd say sure and then be gone or busy. She started breaking down more when I was home. I'd either ignore it or give her the standard "I'm sorry you're upset" or something like that. I'd then end the engagement as quick as I could and move on. Her life was turning to crap. Why? Because she was a cheater associating with douche bag men. Nobody that's a cheater is going to have a great life. It's a seedy life full of deceit, lies, judgments by friends/family, etc. If I was cornered by these pathetic displays I'd validate her despair but never ever comforted her. She had made her bed. My days of being her rock were gone. She didn't want me anymore. Didn't get to sow her oats because we married so young. So be it. She lost me. That is the absolute secret to them pursuing you.
So before I went to church wife and I got into a huge argument. I'm not gone lie, I was in a fed up mood. I asked her what the he'll are we doing. I told her I'm keeping the house.
Backstory on the house: So when she hit me with the she fed up in June, she told me that she wanted me to pay the Mortgage, pay the car note, move out and find a apartment and pay all the amenities at this apartment and also provide her child support. I went along with that until this morning. I told her only a fool would do that.
So this morning, I told her she cheated, I'm not moving out. (She tried to justify herself). I'm keeping this house. My son ran down and was upset at the commotion, so I left the conversation and went to church. I actually joined the church today. Church was awesome.
The message at church was sometimes GOD has to burn down somethings in your life to give you your true blessing. The pastor preached on the story of JOB.
So after I got back home after Church, we went on a drive to Home Depot together and got down to the meat. She hits me with "she's confuse and this is hard". She owe it to herself to see if the OM is meant to be. But its hard because I'm a provider and he's a risk. WTF.
She also said she don't want to move out until she gets on her feet. (No time frame for that). She keeps saying she dont know. Shes confuse. She confusing everyone else with her confusion.
Any suggestions?
This is great. You're standing up for yourself. That's already making her "confused". Keep it up and soon enough she'll be begging you. OM is a douche bag. He won't hold up. Do GAL and really rock it. Seriously, become the best version of yourself you've ever been. Challenge yourself. Plan your future. Disregard her future. If you plan and execute yours she'll want to be part of it.
Dam, I was a soul less person towards women before I met my wife she help bring it back. Now I have to balance being heartless while still caring. She has never seen me in that capacity, but I what has to happen. I'm starting slow.
Today I did landscaping, cleaned the house, cut the grass, and ironed my boys school clothes. I took my middle son swimming and soon as I finished I went out with a friend.
I never wanted to be like this but, it's becoming hard not to when a person that cheated on you, is treating you like sh!t.
Thanks for the info. You hit the tracks hard after you got fed up. Lets see if I can follow in your footsteps.
M:37 W:37 T:11 M:10 S17, S13, S10, S4 BD:06/28/17 OM confirmed 07/20/17 Recon the M 10/29/17 Working hard:2gether
Onward and forward
This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
You have a blueprint and I'm going to use it. Please keep the advice coming.
Okay, so are you saying this ^^^^^^ is the way you have decided to go, and TxHubby will be your mentor? Or.....are you planning to use a dab of this and a bit of that in addition to what he gives you.......better known here as cherry picking. Don't get me wrong, I don't have a problem with TxHubby, but if he's the one you will be listening to.......maybe the rest of us need to know.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
