I think I'm dealing with a WAW situation, but I'm not totally sure, and could use some advice from you smart and experienced people here. I've been reading MWD's book, and a lot of David Schnarch's stuff, and the concepts are similar which makes me think there's something to the methodology here.
Situation: Both of us are 48, well educated, M almost 17 years, 2 kids (S15, D12) whom we both adore.
W asked for a D in late 2015, after her mom was diagnosed with cancer (had a similar bout when W was 12, she almost died then). Request was very similar to the WAW - she had thought about it a lot, sat me down, tried to walk through her vision/story of how this is going to work, and what steps we are going to take to prepare kids, etc. I asked for MC before doing anything, saying we weren't finished yet. W agreed.
W grew up the emotional one in a household of engineers/scientists that did not allow much show of emotion other than moderately happy. She was on a variety of depression meds after our kids were born, for 10 years, just stepped off of them less than a year ago.
My parents had a blowout D during the time when I was 14-16, both were totally unavailable to me. Was a disaster, actually. Promised myself I would never bring that kind of carnage on my kids, and I am constantly praised (including by W) on what a great dad I am.
We have been through some MC, which hasn't been so great. She keeps the conversation on her wanting to be D, I want us to build and move forward. I've been in IC which has been really good for me. Her mom died a little over a year ago, which was really hard for her.
Sex life has been minimal at best for the past several years. Some my fault, some hers, but now it's to the point where she is so angry when I bring it up, just broaching the topic brings her to come back to the D conclusion.
We went to lunch on Wednesday (a rare thing) after we had a date on Tuesday and I suggested sex in a somewhat humorous way. At lunch she was furious and once again "asked for" a D, marriage is over, we're done, I'm through, you're to blame, etc, etc. 2 hours of this. I remained very calm.
Then she came home and said that she bought 2 new dining room chairs to complete our set.
This weekend (Labor Day) she has been a dream to live with. We went kayaking on Sat and Sun, out to breakfast, did things with the kids as a family, went to a party with a ton of really good friends...things couples do. She got home from the gym incredibly chipper and has been very pleasant and engaging. She's talking about things in our future.
No PA that I'm aware of, and I've looked really hard. She says the problem is me, not anything extracurricular. Can't find any evidence that she's hired an attorney, either.
I have no idea what's going on, or how to fight through this. Seems to me that people who want out don't do the things that she's doing. So many mixed messages. Help!
