So I have been wanting to update but kept waiting. In general we are moving forward but have been having a few bumps. The semester started again and we are both stressed from work and exhausted. And that creates problems in the communication.

- W didn't hear from PNW so she assumes she didn't get the job
- I earned 13 yes votes out of 20 total, someone else (higher in rank) earned the same number. Dean went with the other person as chair. I am very unhappy with this as I was seen as the candidate that could unite the dept and it doesn't help that more and more people say they only voted for me so either people are lying OR fraud happened (russian hackers?).

- W mentioned how OM's birthday was this Saturday and how last night he told W that he went back to his ex-GF because W chose me. My W. felt that wasn't fair the way she was blamed and she relived the entire affair and felt guilty again and truly seems remorseful and said she doesn't understand why she just didn't stop before it got physical. She said IC was focused on reducing contact with him which has steadily increased. She realizes how he isn't going to be a good friend (major improvement since months ago she expected we could all be friends)
- BUT we have to improve communication and MC suggested that perhaps the MC sessions are what is holding us back and suggested IC. I agree. We both have quite a bit of our past haunting us and that has nothing to do with the MR but it influenced it.

I am hopeful that we are giving it a shot. W mentioned she chose me and that it's hard work but that because I keep working hard at it she continues it as well. There are some fundamental things we are working on. My goal is to reduce stress so I can be sharp and not easily get lured into a messy situation but a lot of it are just simple things that doesn't make W feel left out.

Having been on here and having read several sitch (I stopped commenting on others as I wanted to see if whatever advice I would give based on my own experience was misguided or not). I still stand by my approach and I think given my specific context it worked.

It's a marathon and I am just very pleased my W is actively running with me. Sometimes I grab her instead of letting her run, sometimes I suddenly shift direction without letting her know, sometimes I try to jump over a hurdle that is too high. But for the most part I feel blessed that I am not doing this alone.

The MC told us when she advised only IC that she isn't going to work on the why from the past as that is just not healthy. Every now and then W or I brings the past up. But we both want to move forward. She also told me that in all the years of her doing this she rarely sees two people like us who both want to make it work and want the dysfunction to stop AND who both recognize their own role. That has always been my gut feeling to not go full on Sandi2's rules.

But it's time for us both to leave Florida. We have grown, we have gained things but neither of us is truly appreciated and valued at work and neither of us is truly happy here. I could make it work but my W's health (barometric pressure affects her) makes that nearly impossible. While I wanted to be chair and while I had broad support it is clear this position wasn't where I need to be.

Hurricane Irma might be hitting us next weekend but in many ways our household already has been devastated by it.