There will come a time with no more tears

[Treasur]

Rats! NC plan looks like it's going to have to change. Just received an offer on the house (good) but means will need to interact about practicalities with Horrid Husband. Who, of course, hasn't done any of the things he said he would do a few weeks ago...

Have also accepted offer on mother's house so feeling a bit p***ed off and overwhelmed by dealing with everything solo...grrr...will take it as a gift from God about moving forward. STBXH hasn't applied for Decree Absolute. I'm starting to wonder if I will on 18th October when legally I can. Not sure how I'd feel about doing that, tbh. Would be one hell of a 180 surprise for him though!

2018 early resolutions...a year without lawyers, a year without MLC madness and a year (to quote Jay Z & Kanye) where "all my pain will be champagne".

[Gordie]

Congratulations on 2 offers. That is awesome. And best wishes in interactions with HH. Is it best to talk or use email or text?

I was reflecting on your 5 words record for least words about a D. I think my w is going for most words on a d. She talks, talks, talks about it but we are still married. They come in all flavors.

[Treasur]

I'm going for email, Gordie. Have just sent one informing him of accepted offer. Cash buyer so should be less than 6 weeks. Have asked him to confirm a date by mid-October when he will remove his possessions to empty the house (that I have been asking him to do since July 2016).

Huge list of outstanding practical/legal/financial stuff but decided to just do one subject for one email. Have found that Horrid MLC Husband's brain seems to only be able to cope with one question at a time.

No idea if/how we will respond.

I feel funny. I don't want to live in the house. I don't believe it is possible to save my M or even healthy for me to try. I don't believe the much-loved H I knew exists right now and I'm not sure he ever will. And financially for me it's good. But...I don't know, I feel like crying too. It's the kitchen that my H and father installed together, where my H loved to cook. It's the garden where I grew rhubarb for him. It's the bathroom where I heard him in the shower in the morning and saw his car pull up in the evening. It's the last place we ML and he kissed me and told me he loved me.

Grrr

[Treasur]

Not we - he respond, I mean.

Maybe he'll be relieved. Maybe he'll be thrilled and call OW immediately to celebrate. Maybe he'll be sad. Maybe it will all be that bit more real. I don't know. But the world moves on and stuff needs to get done because these are the real world consequences of his actions.

[Gordie]

(((Treasure)))

I get it. I have so many wonderful memories from my house but if we D, I don't want to live in it anymore. I want a new start. Have a good cry. Get support from family and friends. You don't have to go through this alone. Ask for help.

And stop thinking about how HH feels or will react. It will just make you unhappy. Focus on you.

[Treasur]

I left the house a few months ago to move to my little rented house by the sea. Our old house was always supposed to be a transitional fixer-upper (didn't quite plan on this transition!) and I never loved it. It was agony to be in alone last year because every room was full of my H and my father who renovated it with me (and died a few months preBD).

Unfortunately I am alone, Gordie, because my mother disappeared into dementia a month after BD and I have no family left. I'll ask friends for help, of course I will, but they have their own responsibilities too. Sounds a bit 'pity party' I know, but it's just the reality of my sitch.

I'm surprised at how emotional I feel actually. Probably because it is one step nearer no links between us. Which is stupid because that's what I need, but I still feel upset. My thoughts about H's reactions are just practical ones really - it's very difficult to sell a jointly-owned house with someone who won't speak to you or do the few things they need to do in a timely way. I've been trying to deal with practical stuff for well over a year and it is only recently that he will even respond to an email. And I'm SO tired of crazy.

But I am a strong practical woman. Even in our M it was usually me that did most of the work on this kind of stuff, so no change there. I'll keep telling myself that it is less about loss and more about freedom for what comes next.

[Treasur]

Tbh, there is a really pathetic bit of me that wishes we were selling the house to make a new what next together. Isn't that dumb?

[Treasur]

This is the email I sent at 1415 today

Dear H

Just accepted offer on the house today for £235k. Cash buyer so completion will be end of October latest.

Can you please confirm that you will have cleared everything remaining in the house by mid October latest and give me a specific date.

Regards

W

[Treasur]

So, got reply 5 hours later

Dear W

Thankyou for letting me know.
I will have my remaining things out of the house by mid October and will confirm a date in the next few days.

H

[Treasur]

I replied

Dear H

Please note that I’m assuming this includes disposing of all the things you do not want as you said you would, including clearing the loft and shed. I will remove the last few things I want by the end of this month.

I’m pretty snowed as my mother’s house is also due to complete in October, so clarity on time/dates would be helpful. Given this, could you also update the shared calendar for September please asap

I am still waiting to hear your thoughts on all the other outstanding stuff and I guess the clock is now ticking faster. When should I expect to hear from you on this?

W

I feel angry. The way my STBXH has treated me after almost 19 years is despicable. He is a shoddy excuse for a man. Whatever happened to him, the choices he has made mean he has chosen to be a sh*tty husband, friend and human being. I did nothing to warrant this and he has made everything harder for me than it needed to be. If he were here right now, I would punch him in the face.