WW Part 2

[25yearsmlc]

25Years

Good stuff as usual.

I absolutely ignore the marital revisions. Looking through photos, FB posts, and FB checkins from the last 7 years tells me that she hasn't really been wanting to D the last 10, 7, you pick the number of years


Just my opinion, okay? But why bother trying to verify HER present day recall of the past? I don't think it will help you to think that "On Feb 4 of 2008, SHE changed!"

It's pointless. And it means you are second guessing your own recall. Been there, done that.

I wouldn't say I'm trying to shame her into staying. I'll hit her with a truth dart where I think it might be appropriate

Again, I'm leading with MY own reaction, okay? Sometimes an LBSer feels/ hopes that a WAS will react a certain way when they are hit by a "truth dart" but here is MY take.

I think a "truth dart" is a comment intended to sting the partner or get them to have an awakening.

IT is aimed at getting a reaction from the WAS and it never ever achieves the real goal.

Some will argue that the truth dart make the Walk Away spouse " silent" as if that is a victory. It's not. The WAS will not slap their forehead and realize that the LBS is right!

and they are wrong! And selfish! And dishonest! And the WAS wants to change!

And Now they want to come home and undo the damage! and and and blah blah blah.

NOPE, It just looks angry, or petty or futile on the part of the LBS who utters it.

I am sorry to say all this^^ b/c I have seen that phrase for years. But it has always struck me as counter productive.

A few weeks ago we were sitting on the patio:

WW: I want to go back to the original agreement where I stay here during the week and you're here on the weekends


Sorry but what agreement is she referring to?


Me: No. I want 50/50...week on week off
WW: Well I don't have a place to stay and you do
Me: Not my problem you're the one who wants to D
WW: (angrily) Time for me to go then
Me: It's your mess you're going to have to deal with the consequences
WW: It's both of our mess
Me: I'm not the one who went outside the marriage to seek comfort and validation from the opposite sex multiple times

I think staying on message and being briefer than you want to be, is empowering.

Say less, not more.


I try not to make moral judgements at the same time I don't hesitate to hit her with the occasional truth dart. Occasionally WW will say "keep your negative comments to yourself"

I understand the temptation to call them out and when it affects you or the kids, say your piece.

But do you think the truth darts are helping you in any way? I'm asking.