Not sure if you have read the 37 guidelines Sandi assembled, but they are worth reading often. Don't argue with your w about the m.
She cannot be talked into a different behavior. She's doing a puzzle and you can't hover over her shoulder fitting the pieces for her, she's on her own journey...alone...
Originally Posted By: Raysd6
So my Mom is twice divorced with a son from each marriage. In a bizarre text exchange last weekend, WW drew a corollary between WW's EA's and my Mom's past.
WW: "I don't judge your Mom so you shouldn't judge me"
WW also repeatedly says "I'm not a bad person and I won't let you make me think otherwise" Are you trying to shame her into staying? It won't work... Your mom is irrelevant to this.
And you don't want to fuel her victimhood by calling her out. It's one thing to enforce a boundary (w, if you are not here on time to take the girls to school/gymnastics/etc, I'll take them myself. They can't be late." That's not you controlling her, that's you acting for the kids in the event your w does not keep her word.
NO judgement no criticism just you taking care of the kids and yourself as if your w is not there, b/c she's not.
I spent a lot of energy maintaining the illusion that my h was still vested in our m and family life. He was gone A LOT, so I seemed to have only seen what validated my choice to stay.
Pay attention only to what your w DOES and NOT what she says. I'd tell myself "oh she's humming again," and go about your day, if she tries to revise things for the 30575Th time.
She always blames me for her unhappiness. Also, the timeframe of her unhappiness with the MR changes as well...10 years, 7 years, last year, etc.
Ignore the marital revisions. She is not happy and the only thing she thinks she can fix (not herself!!)
is you.
She must justify her choices and she will, by making herself the hero and you the villain. Don't take the bait. Seriously, your silence will speak volumes and gives her nothing to debate or argue with.
Save your breath for positive affirmations to your kids. They need them.
If you have deficits as a h, and you do b/c you're human, work on them. Be the best man and dad you can be. It's the right thing to do no matter what.
Then hold your head high and hope your w crashes soon...and most importantly, be the rock for your kids.
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M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
