I'm sorry that you are at this chapter in your life. It's definitely difficult. This has turned your world upside down. You're now in a situation with a crazy person, but this is the new normal to them, so you're going to feel crazy. You are not crazy.
A lot of your story has the same left turns as others here. I am also a fixer like you, and I understand your frustration with not being able to solve all this.
You're right, childhood issues that were never dealt with are catching up to her. These are demons that she's been suppressing for 2 or 3 decades that have now ruptured to the surface, and they are overwhelming her to the point of confusion.
Do you know about her childhood? What happened? How bad or tough was it?
Do you know what triggered her MLC? Were there any changes leading up to her bomb drop on you? Death of a loved one, job loss, illness or a 'close call' or even moving to another area can trigger MLC.
Originally Posted By: J1978
W has lost weight goes to gym gets her nails done always shopping and lighting her hair again it feels like a strange in front of me. W is buried on her phone we don't make eye contact she always in la la la la land.
Originally Posted By: J1978
My kids are now seeing her monster side she has them like little soldiers cleaning, mopping floor literally is all they do my children's tell me.
You have also just described my W perfectly. That is exactly how she's been for the past year and-a-half. MLC is La La Land. Your W just moved in and she's going to be there for quite some time.
She left behind all her stuff because she doesn't want it. She sees all that as part of the old life that she hates, AND that it's there in your house gives her a reason to barge in on you if she feels like it.
Your friends and your MIL are not reaching out because they don't know what to do.
Browse the archives. Cadet's links include "Musings from AmyC". She is an MLC survivor who's posted a great deal about what went on in her mind during her MLC (it ain't pretty). She also appears here under the name Amy40.
Check out archive stuff from mirage, spirit, angelica, LoisB, M Go Blue. You'll find a lot of supportive voices here. You'll also find that every time your W does something crazy - it's just part of the MLC script. They all seem to react and behave in very similar ways - sometimes almost identical.
Do research on depression (especially masked depression) and narcissistic personality disorder. You will find an MLCer arguing methods are similar to someone who suffers from NPD.
About the money and the custody - do not bend yourself to placate her. You are not going to please her no matter how much you give. She will want more. If you disagree with her, she will go Monster and make awful accusations - some of it just made up. Stand your ground peacefully for your children and their financial security. Put yourself and your kids first. Do not worry about her, she is not worried about you (or the kids that much). You have a right to know where your children are staying at when they are with her, she cannot conceal her new address from you.
It's not an easy lesson, but you will learn that you are stronger than you think.
M: 49, W: 45 T: 22 M: 15 S14, S11, S9 BD: Jan '16 W files: Oct '16 D final: June '18
