There will come a time with no more tears

[Treasur]

Day 2 NC with Horrid Husband

Hello, OwnIt. Woke up angry and how despicably he's behaved and that D is part of my life story. Went for a run by the beach like an angry toddler, puffing out S**t husband, s**t friend, s**t human being. Felt better.

Focusing on work stuff today and actions to rebuild my business. And decided to cook for myself, maybe roast chicken, first time in months.

[OwnIt]

Ah great, I'm so glad. I'm jealous of the run by the beach. I cooked for my S tonight, which I haven't been doing because of trying to keep the house immaculate at all times.

Tomorrow I'm taking him rock climbing with a friend. Should be a fun day.

I had about a 20 second crying jag today. Just suddenly popped into my head that this person that I trusted so much violated me in such a brutal way. OW1 confirmed that he trash talked me repeatedly and pretty clearly he is now doing it with OW2. The person I knew never would have done that. I used thought stopping and got it out of there and on with my day.

This evening I watched some trashy TV, something I haven't done in ages. Its the small returns to normalcy that show the progress back.

[Gordie]

Hugzzz

That actually sounds like an awesome way to vent some of that anger. I may have to try it. I remember one day at the gym lifting very heavy weights and just screaming expletives which I never do. Don't worry, the music in there is so loud no one noticed.

[Treasur]

Got to share some good DB principles with a friend just now who is dealing with a violent mentally ill daughter, a bi-polar ex-love and a mother full of rage and Alzheimers....validating her, and some chat to pull her back from "why" to "what" and "how". Detachment, boundaries and yes I did use the phrase "not your circus, not your monkeys"

Nice to share the learning & support a chum at the end of her tether.

[Treasur]

Day 3 NC with Horrid Husband
Because he BD'd me 3 months after I buried my father

[Gordie]

Treasur,

Hope you are able to enjoy this holiday weekend. I had a q for you about the comment you made about gifts and something my w said to me. I am trying to figure out if this is a real criticism or something to be ignored. So giving gifts has always been a big deal to me. Lots of thoughts, lots of money. W always said she adored these and thought it was one of my best qualities. At b d, she said my great gifts were always about "me" and not her. I have tried to wrap my head around this and it still makes no sense. Strangely, many of her favorite things that she still wears and uses are gifts from me--purses, shoes, jewelry, lingerie, etc.

[Treasur]

I think when our spouses are in crisis, particularly if they are going through some kind of MLC identity issues, normal rules don't apply, Gordie.

I'd ignore it. There's a phrase somewhere about not believing what they say and only 50% of what they do?

And tbh, while there is merit in thinking about our own contributions to our Ms, we can lose sight of 'normal too in the middle of the craziness. If your W said and acted preBD like she really appreciated your gifts, that's good enough. And any decent M is made from much more important things!

[Raysd6]

Don't know if this applies but in IC my therapist said:

"Raysd you're trying to make sense out of crazymaking"

[Gordie]

Treasur and Ray,

Thanks. I'll stop the hijack now. It was just one of many complaints she made that made no sense to me whatsoever. I like that quote/idea of the pointlessness of trying to make sense of crazy.

[Treasur]

Day 4 NC with Horrid Husband

Hijack away! I like the quote from Ray too...
I think another healthy benefit of detachment is that it helps you remember what non-crazy looks like.