Ugh... i was feeling bad for my ex. Hes gaining a lot of weight, has this weird demeanor now..like someone that you woke up early in the morning, but is trying to sound like hes alert and awake. He doesnt look happy.
But then today i was going through my son's dresser to throw out clothes that no longer fit him and i found these oversized t shirts from expensive concerts and football games that ex was bringing back for son right around BD.
As if a t shirt from Rush, for a 4 year old would make up for an emotionally and financially neglectful dad!
It gave me a flashback. That motherf er was spending a ton of money while we were living with his in laws and he wasnt giving me child support. And then when he had to start paying he had the nerve to be resentful of it. (He still has that nerve) I still wonder about the expensive tapas restaurant he went to in the city 1 week after my surgery while pregnant. I dont wonder about with who, just the how the hell does someone not care about their pregnant wife and son?
I get a lot of these "flashbacks" based on how he treated us back then. And then I stew in anger.
Any tricks to not being consummed with rhose angry times or is it just a time thing?
I know the answer is to move forward. Make the best life i can for myself and appreciate the moments.
I wonder what it will be like to be in a relationship with an actual man.
I need to get myself out there, but still havent yet.
