WW Part 2

[25yearsmlc]

My therapist interprets "you say mean things" as:

She would start off the sentence and then let me finish

"Raysd when WW says you're mean it's because I'm holding you accountable for your actions"

"Raysd when WW says you're mean it's because I'm treating you like an adult"

"Raysd when WW says you're being nice it's because I'm being a doormat"

I get it. And I agree with your T's take.


To the WAS, anything we say other than "we miss them because of their unique greatness"

means we are whining, nagging, abusing them. And THAT Is why they must leave!!

I am a L, (but a nice person!)

So I consider myself a bit of a wordsmith. But my "brilliant legal reasoning & powerful arguments" made no difference to my h. I kept at it far too long, believing if I selected the right words and said them in just the correct order, I'd get though to him.


But I Could not reach him. I could not understand him and nothing I said made a difference to him. Sometimes he ran faster & farther. The more I challenged his choices, the more he defended them.

Looking back, I'm forced to ask if h even knew his own truth. Maybe he didn't even know then that time/attention to our family and our marriage, were more like "options" to h, certainly not the main priority in his life.

Our family was not "temporarily displaced b/c h was confused in a fog" but b/c his values were not mine. I projected MY own moral compass on him. That's why I was so confused by his behavior, it did not correspond to anything I would do.

By moving on, we demonstrate our progress via actions & not words. We show that we are people to miss, we are treasures to value and the reality is that - in the real world, it is we who are moving on, leaving the WAS behind. Because we are good catches.
Their fear of being alone haunts them - yet they crave the freedom, the freedom to break vows and hurt others, while the blame goes outward.

The only way we can give them something to miss, is to NOT be available to them, moving on from them. That's not saying to give up. I believe reconciliation is a worthy goal and can happen. (In my case, piecing was the overlooked part, and my regret.)

Your course of action is the same regardless of whether you want a reconciliation or to be free from this m.

GAL is needed to Detach and detachment is needed for peace of mind. When we see this - then our path becomes clearer.

The "act as if" means so much to this process.

(**Speaking of Acting As If"**

Amy Cuddy/Sean Achor have youtube videos on positive psychology with strong empirical data

We can create internal change with some external behaviors. Sort of an
"outside in" way of change rather than feeling something before we change an action.

I highly recommend the videos.)

Also, economy of words is powerful.

Hang in there.