Divorce and Acceptance- Part 2

[Pax_luv]

Hi All,
I'm back on even footing. It was another turn of the LBS dial.... Just taking another step forward and not looking back.

This is going to be a long post because you all made such poignant and thoughtful replies. Thank you for the kind reminder that none of us are in it alone.

Bttrfly, I agree. We did not come this far to dropped now. I do believe there will be great light in the future for all of us. I guess my inpatience is getting the better of me right now as well. Additionally, my shriveling geriatric eggs are in the forefront of my mind right now, too. So if my future baby daddy/ husband could just show up at my doorstep, that would be great. I'm joking... But..... Ya know!

Pinn- I feel like we have a secret handshake now! Thanks for your post. Yes, I did not feel loved by ex and I now realize I wasn't loved by ex. He was infatuated, yes, but he didn't love me. I knew he wasn't capable of real love in his life, but I thought I was the exception. He had tons of FOO issues.... Maybe I thought I could fix them. Loving him was a challenge and I got burned by it. Our MC told me I was never going to be enough for him. She was right.

But I am enough for me and that's all I need.

Ciluzen. Thank you for the post. I had to nod in agreement with everything. My ex Was kind of similar when it came to holidays and gifts. It wasn't so much for the commercialization... He simply "did not believe in sentimentality". Those were his exact words. It would drive me crazy when he felt obligated to buy a gift.. He would go into a store and buy the first thing he saw. It had no meaning or relevance to the receiver. He was simply checking off a box. I remember one Valentine's Day he bought me some plain t shirts. I was so hurt by this. Not because of the gesture... But because I hate t shirts and he knew it!!! I have a boxy athletic figure and I feel man-ish in a t shirt. I wear tanks and blouses. He couldn't even explain why he chose them for me. Ohhhhh and don't get me started on my engagement ring. He picked up a diamond from a friend. He thought it was a good price for the quality. Again.... Didn't even consider the fact that it was supposed to be a meaningful piece of jewelry that symbolized our commitment to each other. Honestly, I hated it. I brought it up a couple times and I was made to feel bad that it wasn't good enough for me.

And now I know that my feelings were all based on expecting him to be something/feel something he wasn't capable of.

re: settling- I think I'm going to have to make a whole separate post on this because it's complex. I'm playing the game of "detached dating" and by this I mean "I do me" and "you do you" and I'm not going to get caught up in any behaviors/dynamics that may lead to enmeshment or codependence. But I'm wondering if I'm ignoring negative behaviors because Im not letting the guy get to me? More on this later.

Cil, I'm sorry you have the same fears with settling that I do. However, I am glad you have so much going on that you don't have to focus on this at all. Just continue being your awesome self.

Coly, thanks for the hugs! Ugh. Jealousy is a b! But if we can manage it by checking our egos, we will surely be learning a far greater lesson. I wish these lessons came with some sort of immediate incentive, though! A Starbucks gift card from the universe, perhaps? Ha!

Sotto, thank you. I envision you as this warrior goddess who always comes in with the calm and effective feedback. I appreciate you. Thanks for bringing up the cyclical vision. It's true.... There are so many ebbs and flows in life and it's happening with everyone. I'll have to get Googley and look for your suggestion. Thanks again.

LeahSue- thanks for dropping by. I've been following your thread over in new comers. Yes, social media is the worst sometimes. I've listened to so many podcasts that should give me perpective, but I choose to ignore it! Social media is the platform by which we want the world to perceive us. We want to show our success stories. As such, those following the stories start to feel bad that their life isn't going the same way... And we need not to go down that rabbit hole. However, you are right, FB is not real!

Ok... That's all I got for now. Hope you are all doing fab. Xoxo.