Yes, agree with Maika- in DB world, less is always best. No more texting unless emergency, and if she texts you, answer (at some point but not right away) briefly, to the point, with no emotion. Treat her like you would treat a stranger on the street or a business acquaintance.
M-60 H-51 M-14 years BD 12/26/16 S 1/1/17
"First the pain, then the rising." Glennon Doyle Melton
I agree with Maika. You are reaching out to much. Show her, stop telling her. Actions speaks louder than words. Let her realize on her own what you won't do it will be more powerful that way. If you tell her, she can prepare for it. I like Maika version of a text for you as well.
Joejoe1
M:37 W:37 T:11 M:10 S17, S13, S10, S4 BD:06/28/17 OM confirmed 07/20/17 Recon the M 10/29/17 Working hard:2gether
Onward and forward
This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
WW may have expected me to convince her that we should go to counseling to repair the marriage or somehow backpedal from the clingy text I sent her last night.
So replying with Maika's verbiage was a 180 for me...
We're also supposed to start family counseling as WW's drinking has caused a fair amount of alienation from our DD's. So between her EA's and her drinking our family is very broken.
Not sure how to approach this one. My thought is to tell FC that we're looking to figure out how to function as a family while WW decides if she is actually going to divorce LBH. All the while letting it be known that I don't do divorce.
Not even sure if FC is worth the effort.
WW also says things like "DD's will be much happier if we're apart" "All the tension in the house is caused by LBH" "I think DD's would be disappointed if we stay together" "I think we'll be better as friends"
Posting here instead of directing angry texts at WW.
I so want to tell her "Every time you look in the mirror, you'll know who tore apart this family"
I also want to send her the picture I took of her and OM on the patio as well as the "we should get naked together" text capture and tell her "This is how I will remember you for the rest of my life...the serial cheater that you are"
I would also love the tell her that if we D, we will not be friends but co-parents at best because friends don't repeatedly betray friends
But at the end of the day I realize that's unproductive, pursuing, and tells her that she still has a strong emotional hold on me which means I haven't fully detached
More importantly, that's what she would expect me to do so by not sending those TM's that's a 180 for me
Join the club of people who WANT to write/text/say/yell truisms to their WAS.s
But don't. Not only b/c you will regret it (and you will). But b/c it fuels their negative views of you and the m.
I have not once heard of a WAS who slaps their forehead and slinks home with their tail between their legs.
They get madder at the LBS. Guilting does not work. They convert it into anger and that is aimed at the "causer of guilt", ie you. I ONCE texted h a 2 paragraph (maybe 12 lines) stating facts that were causing our kids pain, all of which I laid at his feet.No name calling.
his response was something like he was "weary of the abuse"...ABUSE?? OMG that is so freaking insane, that I am smh. Another time I texted that d28 was "very stressed about college applications". And h texted back "Oh is that my fault??"
Never occurred to me that her stress was related to him. I mean that, never crossed MY mind.
And that was 10 years ago before we reconciled.
And that ^^ is if they bother reading more than 3 sentences b/c once they see it's not news about the kids or some form of flattering attention they tune it out.
Best to keep it to yourself. Sorry, but I speak from experience.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
In the past when I've sent truth darts at WW, she claims that "I'm emotionally abusing her" "Using my words to cripple her" "You're unpredictable...nice one minute then mean the next" yada yada yada
Example from the other night:
Me:"So when I hear you say "I love you but I'm not in love with you" What I really hear is "I did unloving things, but telling you ‘I love you’ makes me feel better about them.”
WW: What you said last night really affects me emotionally...
WW even accused me of being bi-polar!!! You can't make this stuff up!!!
