New guy, LBH of WAW

[Georgia Bulldogs]

She is a bipolar ptsd with depression issues and takes medication, which I'm not sure if she's currently taking. I don't think she is.

Of course, she's not taking her medications and she's completely gaslighting you making you feel or think this has anything to do with you.

It sounds like she's cycling in mania and completely devoid of impulse control right now and who knows what or who she is doing. But, it's completely obvious that she IS cheating. She's doing the ILYBNILWY line along with the "I need alone time and space in a hotel" battle cry along with the blame shifting and history rewriting. She moved out specifcally because you were interferring with her other relationship(s) which are RIGHT NOW her primary relationship(s).

I have to ask why is the mentally ill wayward spouse being given and trusted with full custody of your two children? I understand bipolars are often extemely high functioning, but they are a menace when cycling in full mania and lack all regards for others. A wayward bi-polar is even worse. Your kids are old enough and if one of them or another family member would join you, you might be able to get her committed to a mental hospital for an evaluation.

Games, strategies and other attempts to control or manipulate your situation won't likely have much effect. She's wayward AND nuts. She'll hit rock bottom all on her own eventually and when the crippling depression kicks in, she'll want and need to be home again all on her own.

I suggest you seek specialized professional help beyond what most "coaches" can offer. Unless a counselor or other medical professional has 1st hand experience with bi-polars, they really can't understand or speak towards what you are dealing with.

While I respect your desire to save your marriage and think, maybe, this is a situation of "in sickness and in health", God did provide an escape clause for adultery knowing how painful betrayal can be for us humans. This is the 2nd affair that you've known about. Bi-polars usually get worse with age and escalate the risk taking behaviors. Unmedicated, they have a life expectancy of about 50 years old (somewhere between 9 to 20 years less than normal life expectancy). She's on a path to suicide and you should carefully consider whether you want to remain around to witness such destruction. At least be open to the thought that maybe, down the road, you'll figure out that this marriage isn't the safest or healthiest place for you to remain. You can even forgive but reconciliation isn't required. How many times does she need to cheat before YOU get PTSD or an STD yourself???

If you do take her back, you need to learn about boundaries. In particular, boundaries for bi-polars. Such boundaries would likely include no unsupervised internet or smart phone along with other strict accountability measures. They can't be trusted with money or the opposite sex or technology or to take their meds. I know their condition varies from person to person, but, in general, they lack impulse control. If your wife, eventually, wishes to keep you invested in a relationship with her she'll need to adhere to your new firm boundaries.

For now, the 180 plan should be a very healthy plan for you but really you're just waiting on her to cycle through this. Another good resource for you would be books authored by Kay Redfield Jamison. She is an American clinical psychologist and writer. Her work has centered on bipolar disorder, which she, herself, has had since her early adulthood.

Finally, have you ever happened to search the ash madison lists to see if your wife's name appears? When AM client lists were exposed it was learned that very few women actually used the website for what it was intended to accomplish, but the legitimate females that were discovered were, to a significant extent, mentally ill bi-polars. You may also want to have a diagnostic recovery of any old hard drives laying about the house from years and years ago just to double check what you're dealing with (and considering investing more years of your life into). She's sick so expecting her to share the entire truth with you is foolhardly. If there's truth out there to find, find it yourself. Don't dwell, obsess and/or let it preoccupy your time for months and months but you are entitled to the truth about your life and we already know your wife has a history of lying.