2 of my kids have come right out and asked me to "stop defending dad! And don't tell us he 'loves' us".
Regardless of how I feel about that, it is their right to set a boundary and I will respect it. (I had believed that reassuring them was my duty).
Turns out it takes a lot of psychic energy to maintain an illusion about someone, when the contrary evidence mounts. We are not that important to h. He spent 2/3 of the last decade doing his thing and commuting home on weekends or living in another state for a variety of reasons.
As an MD there was no credible reason for his living away, other than entitlement and the now obvious desire to be a part time family man, which is NOT really a family man.
The kids are 31, 28 and 20. The 20 y/o - I worry b/c she has the worst r with h
b/c he missed so much of her life by HIS choice. Hard not to feel rejected when, you know, you are rejected. He cancelled her college tuition last month too, and it's a private university with a total cost of over $50k If not for my older kids helping out big time, d20 would be taking a year off. Which would have been an even bigger blow than his withdrawal of the one thing he had provided, money.
We paid for the other 2 kids college so it's boldly unfair...
From what I understand, h feels sorry for HIMSELF (Like your wife will and does)
b/c the kids are not supportive ( )
and my guess is that he blames me. Which is rich.
Last but not least, my T said that kids grow up and the parent of the opposite sex tends to be their role model for how the outside world will treat them.
The mother usually nurtures them and comforts that and represents the internal, "home",
but the career and r's with OPs, are more affected by the opposite parent's r with them.
In your case Irish, your girls are lucky young women and have a better chance at a healthy R with the men in their lives, and confidence in how the world will greet them,
than if your marital roles were reversed.
Bravo, Irish, well done.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
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