Squinting at the morning sun

[ciluzen]

Lol, Coly! Well, for you and Sotto...and anyone else confused (hey, me too!)...yes she has a tiny interest in the house. Here's the story.

XH's best friend and his (then) wife (The Smiths) were close friends with another couple (the Jones). The Jones found a lovely piece of land on the back side of a bay along a river and the Smith and Jones families built a very large house (3 levels and big enough to sleep multiple families) together, as Mr. Jones was a contractor. He was also a philanderer and con-man. It was found out that Mr.Jones was having an affair with Mr. Smith's wife. There was all sorts of illegal stuff happenning and basically two families blew up and financials were exploding as well. Mr. Smith was hurt, angry and bitter. He went up to the river house at one point a few months later to get his stuff out (both families used it together) and saw an auction notice on the door.

Enter my XH. Mr. Smith told him he should buy it. XH came to me and told me what had happened and that Mr. Smith thought we should buy it. Basically, it was to keep Mr. Jones from having a friend buy it for him to keep it from his soon to be XW, otherwise it would be community property. XH thought this would make Mr. Smith happy and benefit us as "an investment". I explained that we didn't have enough and auctions take cash...also we had two kids in college. He said, "yeah...sad. I really would love it". That's it.

He then came to me and a week later and said, "Bubbles family is in, my parents are in...how much do we have in savings?" Note: he had no retirement and I was trying to build it up from when he HAD to buy our very large SUV for cash...using all of our savings three years before. This was the first time I was not in on a "plan". Bubbles' and her husband had inherited a bit of money from her dad that amounted to 4.6% of the total cost of the house. We owned about 15%, but then XH parents "loaned" us the rest, which we paid interest only on (never paying down the principle). It was almost equal to our mortgage! Bubbles and husband never paid a dime of that. They paid 4.6% of the utilities, insurance, and property tax...about $300 a year total, while we paid the rest plus the monthly interest on his parents loan. I was told we would keep the house for a few years, then sell it. I was also told to think of it as an investment..."don't fall in love with it". He refused to allow me to go to the auction and took Bubbles instead, even telling me they went to lunch afterward. I ticked him off because I told him that I was concerned about Mrs. Jones and wanted to tell her myself.I couldn't imagine (at the time) what it would be like to not only have her best friend steal her husband, her finances explode, but to also lose the house that she loved and invested so much work in. Well, now I do. So I told her in person. She was devastated, of course. I told her she could still use it whenever she wanted (I cringe now, but I didn't know how to make it better) and let her cry and tell me her story. It was awful! I felt like scum for a callous, selfish decision that I really didn't make. I just wanted the news to not come from a stranger, but maybe it would have been better.

Even more awful than that, my XH was gleefully telling Bubbles and her H (and anyone else whowould listen) how much stuff was in the garage and house and how if they didn't get it out in 30 days, it was ours! Made me sick at the time, and I told him so. More ammunition for him to use later, I guess. They got it all out, though...thanks to my "big mouth". They were hoping that no one would find out in time. So I was given the task of finding furniture on craigslist. I started patching and painting and basically working on most of it myself (it was a party house before and had so many holes in the walls!) to "redeem myself" and show that I was all in.

Yes, I see Bubbles as very manipulative. Since the divorce, I've been told by my friends on XH's staff that she manages the office and does as she pleases...she was just a co-worker before. XH even called her "the lady that runs my office". It also appears that it is now "her house" ...I know she deferred to me in my presence before, but had all of her parties and events there. Now there's no pretending, I guess.

XH has always been a "nice guy"; overly concerned with making everyone happy. I think that's perfect for Bubbles to take advantage of. She gets what she wants. Given to her, a lot of the time. Yes, Sotto...spineless does apply to him. I really don't know still if he's as clueless as he seems, in denial, or if he is really somewhat narcissistic. I never saw it that way until more recently.

Where is her husband? Haven't the foggiest. He doesn't really like being out in the sun. He likes to watch tv and drink beer inside while everyone else (females with the exception of XH) sits out by the water. He would come out and pull the innertubes behind his boat or sit by the campfire at night. He was usually drunk (happily) by evening. I could analyze the crud out of him...lost his dad in high school, lost out on his baseball scholarship because he and all of his siblings had to help support mom and each other because there was no life insurance, hardworking for long hours, totally involved in his kids' sports...he's kind of a big kid. I have no idea what he knows, feels, sees...and who knows what goes on in other peoples' marriages? I had a fantasy for quite a while of asking him to meet for coffee and letting him know what I know...but what if he knows? What if he likes that about her? What if he doesn't care? Its been 2 years since XH's BD...and 4 since I found out that they spent much of a weekend together (nothing happened, according to him)It no longer matters, really.

I will continue to share and analyze as things happen, but I'm learning that I will never really find the answers I'm looking for. I'm also afraid that I might not even trust them if I get them. Yup...that cynical right now. Seeing that house really threw me for another loop. I realized that what I pictured no longer is true. Its not mine, I don't have a place there at all anymore. I also found that when I brought this up to D26, she said she did a lot of decorating there, too. So she's there more than she let on and actually kind of defended Bubbles, in a way, by telling me that. I'm feeling a bit betrayed, to be honest...Disney Dad strikes again. But I will not dwell too hard on it. Just reinforces that I don't need to please anyone but myself...and shouldn't try. I will be kind, but not stupid. You really can't nice people back and some will just take advantage.

Well, that was more of a recap than was probably warranted, given the simplicity of the questions. Off to finish painting my bathroom!