You guys aren't going to believe this 5

[25yearsmlc]

I can assure you I am not an absentee father.

In fact, my D lives with me now but the only way I could convince her mom to let her live with me was to continue to paying her child support.


Oh I didn't know she lived with you, I thought you said she wasn't very available.


So I have my daughter with me, and pay my ex-wife child support. My daughter simply doesn't want to hang out. She prefers hanging out with her friends.


Yeah well, she's 16.

When I was 18, my brother graduated from college and our whole family flew out to the Air Force Academy for it. Somehow my dad and I were the only ones on our specific flight. I recall being SO inconvenienced and uncomfortable that I'd be with my dad for 5 hours straight, and no buffer zone people. (Oh, And I LIKED MY DAD!)

I've even taken her to a few family therapist with me to see if we could work on things. I tried to get her to attend church with me. I've asked her for a long time now to spend some time but she just doesnt want to.

So What happened at the therapist?

I know for a fact her mother has told her lots of lies about me inlcuding that I cheated on her. Ummm, her mom left me and I was the one that tried to save the marriage. I have never cheated on any woman I've ever dated.

maybe that's ^^ the thing to say, without naming any former gf or wife. And is it possible your ex w thinks you cheated or she's just that defensive?
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However, ex-wife tried to get me back and by that time I was already dating another woman ad told her I had moved on. It was then that ex-wife started bashing me. She even chased my new girlfriend around town in her car running red lights etc.

Now THERE ^^ is a woman who needs to GAL. Shame on her for poisoning things and being crazy with your new gf. Ugh.

The fact that your d chose to live with you is a good sign, even if she seems uninterested.

I will never give up on my kid, ever. I let her know that I'm there for her and always ask her day was etc. All I get is a grunt in return or "leave me alone".


Well that sounds super lovely. What is with her hostility - She asked to live with you, right?

When our d20 was at her worst in high school , we enrolled in and bought some DVD's on addressing behavioral issues with kids. I think It's called "Total Transformation" and for $20 a month we could call anytime with questions for a counselor.

Although we only used it maybe 5 times, it was valuable to have an IC for dealing with the kids, readily available 24/7. (And the CDs and DVD's were great with role playing examples and setting some boundaries, too.)

Just an FYI. Definitely improved my ability to deal with adolescent tantrums and hostility and to stay calm doing it. Yes, very worth it. For 6 months d20 - when she was in her senior year, decided she wanted to go to college but NOT live on campus so her gf could live with her. She was adamant. I'm not sure what would have happened if we had not gotten professional advice.


He's told me that this is common for parents when one has a personality disorder


so your ex wife has a personality disorder (which one?) And drug or alcohol problem? IS she actively using/drinking, or in recovery? I must have missed that.

and that at this point, all I can do is let her know I love her and that I'm there for her.

Both a counselor and a priest I spoke with, both said that making sure our kids know we love them and that they are not alone, is the priority.

That's simple, but not always easy.