I haven't updated in a while. It's not a great one.
In an effort to avoid running into H, I make lunchtime trips to his favorite grocery store. (I know he goes in the evenings or weekends.)
After I checked out, I was walking out and saw his teenage daughter. She'd just walked in and was smiling and laughing with a friend of hers. She didn't see me.
I'm happy that she's happy, but gosh did that enhance the "outside looking in" and "life goes on without me" feelings. I'm sniffling at my desk at work and not doing a great job of hiding my tears.
On the legal front, I had to respond to H's complaint/summons. I went to my L's last Monday and worked through it. We also decided to file a counter-claim. H's complaint laid out a very factual, but limited, picture of what happened. My L and I think he wasn't honest with his L about what happened. She probably heard a version of the "Cadence and I just grew apart and she was so shocked when I told her that she moved out. She doesn't understand that the house needs to be sold and/or doesn't want to sell it so she can hold onto me."
And with that viewpoint, there seemed to be very little willingness to offer me anything that didn't make me take a loss. His imaginary real estate refund process is still happening.
I feel like if this were a normal ending, he'd have the maturity to say "Boy, I'm in a pickle. I'm going to make her a fair offer so that we can end this." But no, he will only offer me a paltry amount, since he is determined to get every penny back. I feel that's enormously unfair, given that he ripped the rug out from under my feet and this was all his doing. He went into an investment with me, and he's leaving it early. That's his right, but why expect to be fully reimbursed?
So we filed a counter-claim. It was filed with the court a week ago. We did it to give a full picture of what happened, and to hopefully compel his side to get real with the offers.
Though I read through it and nodded my head at what was in there, I still feel rotten. Perhaps the titles of the sections were what got to me: Abuse, Attempt to Defraud, Breach of Contract, etc.
I talked about him kicking down the locked bedroom door. I talked about his attempts to get me to sign documentation that confused the type of deed we have. I talked about how he (and his kids) profited from me while we were living there. I talked about how I filed for my property tax relief for the house, while he filed his for his personal condo (in his magical thinking, the house would sell quickly and he'd just move back there. I knew that wasn't likely, and reminded him he'd save much more if he filed for the house, but he refused. So the tax bill likely went way up in July.) Meanwhile, I couldn't file it for my personal condo (the one I couldn't move back into because H started his freakout/MLC whatever on the same day I had tenants sign a year lease.) so my tax bill is going up. He also closed out a joint account we had, or changed the password on it, so that I can no longer see nor pay the mortgage bill online.
The one thing that felt okay about this is that it has him listed as Plaintiff and me as Defendant. What I filed was very aggressive, but at least I can feel alright that I'm defending myself, here.
At least he gets to see in writing that I also want to sell the house. That's not the issue that is holding this up.
We have a long holiday weekend coming up, and so far I don't have plans. I've made a bit of a connection with a cute guy, but it's long distance and we just message one another. Some friends found another guy they want to set me up with. I'm not sure I'm there yet (and perhaps my tears today are a sign I'm further from "there" than I thought.)
I got out of town last weekend to visit friends. That was a little tough for me. She's a stepmom friend, and she met her husband around the same time as I did, and they followed a similar course. But he still loves her and she still belongs. I tried to just be happy for them and not make it about me. The unfamiliar environment helped.
But I'm in a pretty negative frame of mind right now. Part of it is hormonal, but another part of it is just plain pain.
He just... discarded me. He's never shown any doubt about that. (Well, maybe once, when out of nowhere at our second counseling session when he said he'd thought about staying together but living apart, but that's it.) There are no "touch and go"s. Nothing.
He could not wait to be rid of me and the life we'd built to find his fantasy woman, where there are no differences and she likes everything he likes. Also, she's self-absorbed and neurotic like his mother, but in a super sexy way.
He adored me until he blew up and didn't. And now I get random peeks from the outside looking in. That was my family and now it's not.
