24 Mths in..I gotta whole lot of living to do now

[AndrewP]

I truly hope we get some reconciliation between a MLCr and their kids. I actually still have hope for her.

As I said above. When the time is right she will need help with this, if I'm still open to helping her then good. It was not in her nature to reach out even prior to MLC. She never learnt that skill. If she picks it up great but I can't expect her to do that.

If one day my door to help her connect with the girls is completely closed then she must seek help elsewhere. Time will tell and so will her actions.

Hey there Irish. Just killing time on a Friday of a long weekend. I've not been keeping up on your story too much but swing by from time to time kind of like that neighbour you rarely see but you trust to keep an eye on your cat.

I think we are in very different places with this. In my case both of my kids are grown - not quite to that "30" that you were mentioning to your X but still fully adult.

I've been working on paying no mind to my X's communications with the kids although I do know that she does communicate with them. No idea how often or context.

You are perhaps the better man because you are keeping a bit of an eye on your X and hoping that she journeys through and out of MLC and reconciles with at least your kids. I hope you've taken that completely off the table for yourself now that you have a NG in the picture.

Oh - and when this all started she also got the obligatory tattoo. Perhaps it's a mail-order kit for people who dive off to play with the fairies.

What really struck me though and perhaps it was included in the kit was this idea that the kids need to accept her and her choices and perhaps still be the kids that were left behind. Also in my case my STBX hasn't seen our daughter since 2015 but she has seen S23 from time to time but not very often especially considering that she lives 5 minutes away.

I saw this clearly during our collaborative / mediation meeting last week where she still had the anger and attitude that our son should be very responsive to her texts and pay attention to her. Not a darned thing about his struggles or her trying to help him. It was "me me me". It sounds like your X is stuck in the same sort of place.

Will she ever change? In her case I doubt it but must honestly give the answer of "I don't know". I don't see any path that gets her a closer relationship with the kids - only one that leads progressively farther away. In your case you are still hoping it seems for her to find her way at least back to the girls.

My un-called for suggestion is to remove the idea from your mind. Your girls seem like very wonderful and very aware young ladies. Whatever will play out will play out between them and their mother if it ever does. I was actually thinking myself this morning that when I finally end up divorced that I want to have nothing in common with the woman with whom I once felt that I had so much in common with. Not even the kids. The kids have a strand of my DNA and a strand of her's. The commonality if any is their's and their's alone. Not mine.

I hope you have a great weekend with your girls! Mine will be quiet I expect but that's rather how I like it.