These poems are met with cheers and applause, because nobody had clue what it's really about the or who with. Beginning of the night ruined by that. Cane to relax and find peace. And my W of 15 years sh*t's on me the day grandmother died. Oh to add further to the nonsense. Apparently my SIL has no issue with my W having an A with her cousin. Says that it is none of her business.
This is who S13 is close with. And apparently she has been cool and helping W cover up for her cheating. So when I worry about S13 being swayed it's for good reason. Because he is surrounded by my trifiling in laws who I helped set up in this city. And if I don't cover myself with him, he will believe my W if she is cosigner by her sister.
You probably should have left immediately. What an incredibly hurtful and abusive thing for her to have done. The worst part, to me, is knowing I would have probably done the same thing in your position years ago and the never ending dialogue I would have had with myself over what I should have said or done in response to her celebrating adultery right in front of me to a room full of people including the OM on an open mic night where I could have gone up and "shared" my pain and anguish over the exact same story. Could have been the most "real" poem many of them had ever heard. I'm telling you now, in cas it's eating at you, there is no way to know what to do or how to respond to such SHOCKING and DISTURBING wayward behavior. That's why you should have just left. "Talking" to the OM - no, just leave. Being in her presence publicly like that made you like a cat at a rocking chair convention - it was going to be painful. You went out to avoid pain, reenergize and take a break from your situation. Maybe your pride whispered to you that you had just as much right to be there and you weren't going to let her chase you away or act like you cared, but when you roll around in the mud with pigs, you get dirty and the pigs like it. Practice more self-care next time.
As far as your son is concerned. I did want to say a couple more things.
a. children are narcissistic - meaning they have a tendency to think everything is about them. It's important to express that there is nothing he's done to cause this;
b. it's not his responsibility to fix it - he doesn't have to pick sides and you aren't looking for him to help you "save her" or "fight for the marriage";
c. He does not have free rein to be disrespectful. He is to remain respectful of his mother because it's the right thing to do;
d. Stay with the "honest" approach, telling him that no matter how hard or difficult the truth may be, that you are committed to being honest with him from this day forward about his family and this situation in an age appropriate manner (you don't use this as a justification or rationalization to bash your wife but you can be honest about her behavior and how it impacts you);
e. Explain or give examples from your life and/or his life where you or he behaved poorly and then tried to excuse such behavior using justifications and rationalizations or transfer the blame to someone else. It's what humans do. It's a natural defense mechanism to avoid shame or punishment. You can then explain that it's possible or likely that his mother, aunt or other people may say all sorts of things to excuse this behavior or blame you and you want him to be assured that he can share such and ask any questions he wants and you won't be mad at him or your wife or the family. Explain to him that relationships are complicated and marriage is difficult and you've never made any claims to being perfect so his mother (and the family) certainly could have and share some legitimate complaints about you. It's possible they'll make some up so it's good he talks to you about this stuff and feels he has an open honest channel to express his thoughts, questions and feelings instead of walking around on eggshells confused about the truth of his life. You see, one big difference will be your willingness to admit and own your mistakes, apologize, seek forgiveness, make amends, repent and just stop/stopped - and that's the lesson you want your son to understand about himself going forward. His parents are both human and make mistakes - it's what HE does after making mistakes in the future that will be the measure of him as a man. It's God place to measure his mother, not yours or his.
f. Teenagers, especially late teens, have a tendency to LIKE the wayward parent. They are disney parent, that let them do whatever they want and their homes are places where rules, values, morals our outdated and out of fashion. Wayward homes are terrible places for children but don't try to compete by getting lax with rules, values and morals under the threat that he'll just leave and go live with mom (if you end up divorced and she continues unrepentant). Your home will continue to be "home" and the only place your son is truly cared about and loved and though wayward house might SEEM fun and easier, it's a lonely empty place of selfish entitlement.
g. If you end up going the divorce route, see if your state has or allows or encourages or is fine with "parallel parenting custody orders" whereby you don't have to "co-parent" your son. Some states, like Indiana are fine with it for several years, especially after highly emotional contested divorce/custody disputes. It's not emotionally healthy for you to have to endure such abuse and then work with her on a daily/weekly basis in order to "co-parent" your child. The rules of parallel parenting custody orders will allow you to heal much faster and, frankly, be a better parent to your son. Just google it.
The internet is 90% complaining and entitlement and I hate it because I deserve better!
