I'm with Kaizen on this. As the parent, I think it's incumbent on us to shoulder the burden of maintaining contact.
And not telling them "When" they need us, to call. That would only happen in the most dire of circumstances. When h cut off d20's college funds in late May, he signed the rambling letter with "call anytime, Love, Dad."
(As if she'll want to reach out to him when he's made himself unavailable in every way.)
So Why not reach out at least on a weekly basis? It's okay if she says no. You are still her only dad. And She will have a "record" of her dad consistently being present for her in some way.
One guy I know who has been alienated, sends weekly emails and texts, and if nothing else, his son will be able to read them later.
The problem with alienation is that it's an abused term. A lot of absentee parents claim alienation when it's really the result of their absence that created the chasm, OR it's a mixture of both. In my h's case, the more awkward he MIGHT feel, the less likely he is to make an effort. So there is a snowball effect.
Lately h explains his chronic absence by telling the kids his new marital revison
which is that the home was "too toxic" for him to be in it so he HAD to live away from us and "Commute" for most of the last decade. He's an MD.
Reality is that he enjoyed part time parenting b/c he did whatever the he11 he wanted during the week away. I KNOW THIS.
The kids know they were not a priority for h, but more of an option. And it hurts.
The more he blames me for it now, the more they resist him. Not saying you are doing that,
--- and please don't freak, but do you ever think that to your d16, you appeared to care for your gf than your own kid? Kids worry a lot about not feeling fully loved and accepted, even when we feel it.
Food for thought.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
