Jm....here is the rule I follow. I never initiate anything unless it is about the kids or finances. If I initiate it better be something critical which so far has only been about .5% of the time. The rest of our interactions have been 99.5% of the time initiated by her outside of our interactions during kid exchange and soccer games/practices.
The rule of thumb is to only respond to text's/emails if they are actionable and to also not respond right away. Mix it up some so she gets the impression you are always not available (hopefully your GALing and really can't respond). My W used to send me pics of the girls and her including what they were doing. I would not respond to those and eventually they stopped.
If she sends you a message about not forgetting something, don't respond unless she asks you a direct question. If it is just a reminder there is no need IMO. If she has a problem with it she will let you know and you can go from there. My W never confronted me when I didn't respond to any of her texts. No I mix it up some, sometimes I respond and sometimes I don't. It really just depends on what mood I am in however I still 99.5% of the time never initiate anything.
Last night for example, she showed up 15 min late for my D's soccer game. The old me would have texted her to say where are you etc. Not the new me, if our D asks you can explain to her why you were late. Another example, I live in the Dallas area and there was a media hyped gas shortage yday, the old me would have called her and told her to fill up her tank. The new me did nothing and around 1 she sent me a text asking me if I filled up, I told her "yes" in my response. Hopefully she got the point that I was no longer looking after her.
