Divorce and Acceptance- Part 2

[ciluzen]

Oh, man, Pax. I'm right there with you. In my thread I'm still talking about how 2 years after BD I can still be "wrecked" by certain things, usually a jealousy fueled incident. At the time I wrote, it was only an hour. But the next day, it hit harder.

Anniversaries, weddings, or just someone talking about how much they love their signifigant other on FB or other media can set me off, too. I felt loved throughout the majority of my marriage, even when it was strained, but my ex always downplayed Christmas, birthdays, Valentines...anything where he was expected to make an effort, as "commercial" or over the top. Often said "why give gifts on that day, when you can just buy what you want any day". I just accepted it. Now, I see it for the selfishness and laziness it was. He didn't want to make the effort. He still doesn't make an effort with my adult kids...if there is an issue, he asks me how I'm dealing with it. Sometimes it takes distance to see the real deal. So, those events on social media trigger jealousy and negative feelings. We'll get over it with time. We're both about the same distance out from under it.

And I hear you on the exes moving on seemingly unscathed as we doubt our abilities to find real love or be able to trust. I met a really nice guy, very shy, but seems to have processed his own D in a healthy way. And another who seems to have his sh&t together who is interesting. Few sparks, but I crave what I thought I had and I'm sort of lonely in that area...I'm afraid of settling, too. But I won't. I have the excuse of school to hold things at bay, but the fear is there. I guess we just focus on making our lives awesome and hope for the best? That making ourselves awesome will attract awesome?

I'm glad you were able to use your feelings to push yourself at the gym. That's a great way to get those endorphins flowing and improve noticeably. You are inspiring! And amazing. Like does attract like...maybe just be patient. Good things will come.