I feel maybe the time is right to verbalise a little of what I want or don't want. I know it is too early to roadmap our happy ever after plan, but maybe time to state that the longer I am shut out, the less I want to get back in and sooner or later I am likely to prefer to not reconnect.
I don't mean issue an ultimatum but verbalise a reality. But even without expressing myself, a conversation could be enligthning about her perspective.
So you both want more from the other, but both are withholding to some degree for various reasons. Waiting, even hoping for the other to step up. Does this sound about right?
Since what you are doing isn’t working, maybe it’s time to try something new.
She told you what she wants/needs… give it to her! Then start doing a better job of telling her what you want/need, and why it is so important to you and the marriage. Go back to the section in SSM where Michele gives excellent guidelines for having “The Talk”.
Originally Posted By: roist
BUT I have remained somewhat distant. I have shown love and respect whilst keeping distant.
This is understandable, because you have been hurt. It's normal for us to pull back and detach to save ourselves. But is it working to bring you and your wife closer? It never worked for me.
Someone has to be the first to step up and make the extra effort. And yes, I know you already have, you haven't gotten everything you wanted, and it's not fair! Been there, done that.
Back to asking for what you want specifically and constructively. Don't fear this! You are in a relatively good situation.
You sound strong and like you have a lot left in you for your W and M. Try something new, take notes, do what works. Bust On!
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
