Drastic changes & mixed signals - what to do?

[daisy82]

Hello Daisy, sorry you find yourself here! Have you read DR yet?

He left the house shortly thereafter, but before he left, he kissed me and we said I love you. After he left, he called her (I've been checking phone records).

That's classic cake-eating.

I would love to text him tonight before bed to ask if he is okay, but I'm assuming that's probably not the way to go with the 180 -- although if I am trying to change my lack of love/affection and neglectfulness towards him, maybe this is the right thing to do?

Try not to text him. Give him time and space. Now is not the time to try and change the lack of affection as that would be pressure/ pursuit, that will have to wait until much later. For now you have to pull back and quit any kind of pursuit behavior. You should also consider blocking him from just dropping by every day. Remember, HE chose to have an affair (probably EA at this point, but still an A), HE chose to leave, HE chose to abandon the marriage. You need to show him there are ramifications to that. He can't just drop by for some family/ marriage time when it suits him and then go back to his fling.

I'm going to read the book this weekend. Yesterday, he was at the house with the kids and I saw him. He told me he missed me and loved me. Hugged and kissed me. He was visibly aroused, but it didn't go further than hugging and kissing. Today he told me via text message that he "doesn't deserve me". That upset me so much, I'm not sure how to respond or what to do. I feel like he's really talking himself into this not working. A few weeks ago, it was me being such a bad wife/mom - now I'm too good that he doesn't deserve me.